My mom brought a big pot of pinto beans over today, and I ate three plates full. I am now lying on the couch, watching the game, and adding methane to the atmosphere at an exponential rate.

So what's wrong?

there's nothing really wrong, it just stinks in here.

Does it still stink if its your farts?

Now all you need is a 40 of OE800, and grmcooper will be proposing marriage.

Typically, bean farts aren't really that deadly for me......big on volume, small on odor.

They just don't stink.......well, they "stink"......they stink because they spent the last six hours in my bowels, but really not enough to clear a room.

Now........add some meat......ham, bacon, beef, deer, pork....anything.

The gross-out factor goes up.

On top of that, toss in some onions, garlic, and spices.......watch out.

This is why chili and beans works so well......beans, meat, spices.

^Pat attention, kids. (It's like listening to Tiger Woods talk about golf!)

ScottHar

One more thing....careful with the hot peppers.

Pickled jalapenos, for me, are the proverbial "philosopher's stone" when it comes to GI matters.

These things can turn gas into pure fiery liquid.

^

nah, really the x-factor is beer. it will turn something simple as human excretion to inhuman noxious vapors.

I disagree.....beer certainly does make big farts.....but beer alone does not stink up farts more so than other foods. It may seem to create foul gas, but really it is just gas churning through whatever foul stew you already have in your guts.

I know this because I have gone through several day periods where all I ate was beer.

To prove the point, try this......

Take a beer can, open it and let it sit in a warm damp dark place for six days.

Now do the same with a pork chop that has been simmered with broccoli, onions, garlic, and a nice thick cream sauce.

See which stinks more.

cmon andy, youre talking two entirely different food sources for ubiquitous bacteria.

heres an easy experiment we have all carried out.

one day eat your chops with broccoli, et al.

next day eat same meal with 6 pack.

we all know the results...

^exactly right.

Beer is a good source for complex sugars....which feed gut flora when undigested......this makes gas....lots of it. It probably doesn't help that we gulp it down and presumably force CO2 suspended in liquid into the bowels.

On the other hand, the smell of farts comes mostly from hydrogen sulfide; which is mostly generated when veggies and meat are broken down in the gut.

The combined result of the bacterial byproducts are big smelly farts. Some foods seem to produce lots of gas WITH lots of smell, but I think that beer just mostly builds harmless pressure.

The other point that I must make is that most people only THINK their farts stink.

They think so because their wives tell them so, or because when people hear their farts they cover their nose and move away.

These are just conditioned responses; often precautionary.

I KNOW that my farts stink. I have a pretty good resume. I count among my conquests:

~ Clearing a manufacturing bay with a silent unacknowledged fart (about 5000ft3).

~ making people vomit on several occasions.

~ convincing a new mother that her baby had soiled its diaper (when it hadn't).

^My friend Brian went through a two-day period in high school where his farts caused two different teachers to evacuate their classrooms. A third teacher SHOULD have (as a safety precaution), but stubbornly refused.

I remember being outside on the lawn the second time and seeing Brian about 50 feet away. He just smiled and nodded.

That same day, he almost caused a fight at an outdoor lunch table, the stench was so bad...

Had he unleashed those farts in the presence of Guantanamo inmates, it could legitimately have been called torture.

He later told attributed his Super Flatulence to an all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ buffet. TONS of meat. TONS of pickled and spicy vegetables (kimchi!). LOTS of beer.

ScottHar