Goat, I don't care how many times you ask, I refuse to help you re-live your time in prison for inappropriate contact with that Cub Scout pack, and you and your uncle will just have to stage your own lemon parties by posting on Craigslist, initiated in person per your usual modus operandi with the roofies and the windowless van.
I like women. A lot. Your oh-so-clever monosyllabic entreaties hold no sway with me. You're just going to have to get over that. You might just have to head back down to your favorite ghey bar, I believe you said it was called The Man Hole, and see if you can interest someone else in your ****-gobbling contests and Village People karaoke. Either that, or maybe you and your dad can go back to he park and offer free angry spiders to strange men once again.
And please, next time you and dad go out for a romp on the town, leave a key where the gimp in your cellar can eventually find it next time in case you and pops are arrested by the vice squad again. It's really cruel to let anyone stay chained to the furnace while you take a few days to muster bail.
