A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down somerules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules, "he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night . . . whether you're here or not."
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A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.
So the husband inquires, "What's wrong, Honey?"
"Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I can't cook or clean."
The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast."
So off they went to the bedroom.
That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?"
"Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook."
Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!"
So off they went to the bedroom again.
That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride naked sliding down the banister of the stairs. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister.
After the third trip the husband asks, "What are you doing, Honey?"
"Warming up your supper!" she replies.
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On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, 'my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.'
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. 'Oh, oh, aaaahhh,' he exclaims, 'My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.
Puzzled she asks, 'MY picture?'
He answers, 'yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever'.
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, 'why do you wear a robe? We are married now.' at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, 'oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture'.
He beams and asks, 'why?'
She answers, 'SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED'!
