As I sit here and reflect on the events that have invaded my life over the last year, I try to figure out what is going on and I am lost.

My father in law is dying. Stage 4 brain cancer is the diagnosis. 4 months ago, he was healthy, active, working and enjoying his life. Tonite, he is weak. Struggles to breath. Pulmonary embolisms fill his lungs. Cannot move. The cancer has made most of his body numb...without feeling. He has tubes and lines connected to his body and cant even feel when he needs to evacuate his bowels. He is not suffering in pain, but he is scared. My wife is a mess. We knew with the diagnosis that he wouldn't have long, but we had hopes chemo and radiation would possibly delay the results. No such luck.

As power of attorney, my wife met with the hospice nurses today and determined a course of action. He is DNR and wont live long outside of the hospital. He had a grandson born late last night and is very excited to see him. My feelings are that he will "let go" as soon as he meets and holds his grandson. The plan is to move him back to the nursing home tomorrow. He will spend his final days, hours, minutes there.

So why am I telling you this? No reason. I'm just venting. I'm sad. Not so much for my F-I-L as I know he will be out of his pain and suffering but more for my wife and kids. I hate to see my wife hurt. My children (8 & 5) are young and dont fully understand but they realize he is going to die. There is a good chance that he will either die on christmas or before and possibly have a funeral right around the holiday.

I haven't posted much over that last year. Hell, most probably dont know me anymore... But, I've always felt this is a place I could vent and that I do have several friends here. Not looking for sympathy or anything else. But if you do want to send positive vibes out, send them to my wife and kids. They need them.

Not easy losing a parent to harsh illnesses as I know myself, as I've lost both my parents too.

Ur a good person and a good botl. Prayers and good vibes to ur entire family Tj.

Death is eneveitable and escapes no person or family. Just as life, it touches everyone. You're a good man and it wouldn't be human for it not to effect you. Prayers to the family and especially the wife as it has to be hardest for her.

Trust in the control of the only one who has it and hope for the strength to understand it.

It does suck.

+1

Several years ago, my dad had some sort of melanoma thing removed from his nose. This last year, one day he called my sister Jim and started not making sense. Right away my mom and sister took him to the VA hospital. I wasn't there, so I'm not sure what all transpired, but he went back to normal and had another appointment to get checked out.

They discovered a cherry tomato sized tumor on his brain that was somehow related to that melanoma event. He had brain surgery to remove it. We were told that he wouldn't be around much longer if they didn't do the surgery.

So, everything went well... considering. He is slowly seeming to get back to 'normal' according to my mom. But he isn't eating much since he says food has not much taste for him now.

He is 82. We hope he has a few more years left... but, as ZRX pointed out, and as we all know, but don't want to think about, the end is inevitable.

Condolences...

Prayers sent for healing.

I don't know your belief system, but pray, if you are so inclined (I'm guessing you are well into it.) Most of life is showing up. I'm guessing you are right; he's holding on to hold his grandchild.

My F-I-L was in a similar place. He was tough, and held on for longer than anyone expected, and through a lot of pain. My wife was holding is hand and told him it was okay for him to go. That we will all be okay.

He gave her the slightest of smiles, closed his eyes, and was gone a couple hours later.

You're venting and not looking for advice, but I'll give you some anyway. Tell him it is okay.

Chazbo

bs kwaj, prayers go out to your dad and family as well[-o<

May you always reflect on the happy times he to your family.

And yes you DO still have friend here 🌫

Paul

Everyone WILL get through this, though that is rough.

Feel free to vent anytime, you will always have people here to listen.

As others have stated, uphold the memory of him. Be there as a rock for your wife to lean on. This is part of that "sickness and health" part that the marriage vows are built on.

Life is a suicide mission. No one here gets out alive. The way we affect others is the legacy that stays after the vessel is gone. We can't cheat the Reaper.

Be strong now…others will depend on you.

[-o<

well said Doc, you and I know this situation ALL too well.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Very hard at any time, but amplified during the holidays.

Share what you have always wanted to say between you and your FIL. Hold nothing back.

Keep his memories warm and bright. Be there for your wife.

Thank you for venting and sharing. No enemies here. Just friends you have yet to meet.

+1

Prayers for you and your family. 🙏 🙏 🙏