I was in the Grand Hotel last night at the bar waiting for a beer when a butt-ugly big old heifer came up behind me and slapped me on the ass.

She said “hey sexy, how about giving me your number”

I looked at her said” Have you got a pen”

She said “I sure do”

I said “Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing”

My dental surgery is on Monday.

My cigar smokin BIL sent this my way.....