Associated Press July 21, 2005

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the

heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named

"Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,

75

deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic

mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called

morons,

which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called

peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be

detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A

minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to

complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium

has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but, instead

undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons

and

deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since

each

reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming

isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe

that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in

concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical

Morass". When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium,

an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many

peons but twice as many morons.

ajeroth

Not to thread jack, but you should read the current Rolling Stone article about our little ol' government. It reminds me a lot of this Element.

i've alwas heard that governmentium

was at the center of a black hole

it makes sense if you consider the mass

woopie do! great little essay.

ajeroth