So, I've been receiving some random skirmishes over the past week or so. The first one I figured Amazon mucked up one of my orders. Then as more random items arrived that I had interest in, I thought maybe I was drafted into beta testing for that predictive ordering stuff that was talked about a few years back. Then logic struck. My Santa was harassing me via free 2-day delivery.
The Warmup:
Coopers Cask Coffee - Thomas Tew Rum Barrel Aged - I'm excited to give this one a brew
Hellfire - Ritual - also looking forward to. I've had their Fiery Fool in the past
The 2022 Paqui One Chip Challenge - this one nearly killed me earlier this year. I'll probably try again on a full stomach
A pair of OSU Horseshoe 3D coasters - very cool
A bronze colored V-cut cigar cutter with a nifty engraved pattern along with what I thought might be an ornate crack pipe, but turned out to be a cigar poker. Also bronze colored and has a dragon or cat head on the handle
And single torch lighter which is probably better described as a multi tool. It's got some heft to it and is glossy metal. The bottom has a flip out punch cutter. Then the bottom also unscrews to become a cigar rest. Then just to cover all the bases, there's also a cigar poker stashed inside.
That was all apparently just to soften me up for the big one. The MOAB landed on me today with great vengeance and furious Christmas cheer. It was a two pronged LFR attack. The wanton destruction was devastating. Young children cried for their mommies. Grown men also cried for their mommies. Mommies simply wept. Once I clawed my way free from the rubble, steeled my reserve and dared to look through these weapons of mass generosity.
The main event:
A bag of Ghiradelli Gingerbread Cookie Milk Chocolate Squares. These were immediately hidden to prevent poaching by Mrs. Beach
A box of Hot Tamales
A box of Bottle Caps candies
Clearly diabetes is on the agenda for the holidays.
Then there was a gorgeous bottle of Flor de Cana 130th Anniversary rum. Surely this is more than my cheap azz deserves.
Speaking of more than I deserve, There were a couple of cigars. Now, I've mentioned once or twice that SOB is not low. I was obviously not heard. So, once again, I say unto thee, SOB is NOT low!!! Especially not now. Had a few. Haven't had several blends and sizes. It's t
oo much work to mark individually. You'll see.
1 box of 10 Espinosa Warhead VII churchills
1 Espinosa Laranja Escuro corona gorda
1 unbanded toro with no cello
1 unbanded toro with cello
1 unbanded toro with cello and a "limited edition 3" label
A little help on these 3 Santa?
1 Cain F lancero
1 Onyx Reserve toro
1 JDN Cuatro Cinco toro
5 JDN Dark Corojo Poderosos
2 Joya Silver Ultra
1 Stolen Throne 3 Kingdoms toro
1 Stolen Throne Crook of the Crown toro
1 Ashton Symmetry Prestige
1 Ashton VSG Sorcerer
1 Davidoff Nicaragua Diadema
1 Davidoff Nicaragua box pressed toro
1 LFD TCFKA Oscuro
1 Monte Espada Oscuro Guard
1 Romacraft Intemperance Mode 5
1 EZ All my Exes Maduro robusto
1 EZ Tantrum '14
1 Kristoff Maduro toro
1 Kristoff Corojo LE toro
1 Aging Room Bin #2 C Major
1 Diesel Wicked torpedo
1 1502 XO toro
1 AJF Belle Artes Maduro toro
1 Diamond Crown Julius Caesar corona
1 Macanudo Inspirado Black chruchill
1 LGC Serie R robusto
1 Foundation El Gueguense torpedo
1 Foundation The Wise Man Maduro robusto
4 Foundation The Tabernacle CT Broadleaf corona
4 Foundation The Tabernacle CT Broadleaf David & Goliath
1 Foundation The Tabernacle Havana Seed CT No 142 David & Goliath
5 Tat Fausto FT140
1 Tat Fausto Limited SA
1 Tat Series P robusto
1 Tat CQ2
5 Cuban Diplomat #2 - a cigar royalty site exclusive - Pepin rolled too
1 Rodriguez Primera Clase toro
1 Rodriguez Series 84 torpedo
1 Frederico Empire Private Reserve torpedo
Anyone else counting? I gave up. I think it's a 5er. There was also a Santa Xmas card that made me chuckle.
So I didn't notice a discernable clue in the box. However on the box I see the name Tim K****** (redacted in the event there's a real one out there). And since I have a mind like a slightly rusty steel trap, I recalled there was a flurry of bombings across the site last year, perpetrated by a Tim K******. The culprit was identified at the time by a very distinctive shipping origin. Therefore, I name my Santa as the geographically corrected FLDave. Many, many thanks to you, Dave. I am blown away by your endless generosity, and look forward to every last bit of the included... except maybe the One Chip. That one frightens me a little.
For the visually stimulated:
https://imgur.com/gallery/SrZft3d 
