Krazeehorse
2 years ago
If people make you sick, maybe you should cook them longer.
Burner02
2 years ago
Good Cop story

The police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, Texas, reported finding a man's body last Saturday, in the early evening, in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg. When he was found, he was wearing black fishnet stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes, and a Biden T-shirt.

The police removed the Biden T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

The Police do care.
Gene363
2 years ago
MACS
2 years ago
Why does a chicken coupe only have 2 doors?

If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

[gonzo]
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Stolen burner.
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Today my son told me that his ear hurts. I asked him if it's on the inside or outside. He stepped out the door and the back in and said both. I wonder if I'm saving too much for college.
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Stoner thought of the day: each time you light your lighter your lighter gets lighter, until your lighter gets so light it won't light.
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Groaner warning.....

For centuries, three kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of a lake.

One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons.

The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner.

The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought. The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Gene363
2 years ago
DrafterX
2 years ago
corey sellers
2 years ago
Can we just start over
Gene363
2 years ago
Someone asked me what's the 9th letter of the alphabet?



It was a complete guess.



But I was right.

MACS
2 years ago
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her baby have in common?

They're both thinking, "Sh*t... mom's gonna kill me".
Gene363
2 years ago
^^^ That's really F'ed up, but funny. 🍺
DrafterX
2 years ago
MACS
2 years ago

^^^ That's really F'ed up, but funny. 🍺

Gene363 wrote:



Yeah abortion jokes are difficult. It's the delivery, I think...

Wait. There is no delivery.
Gene363
2 years ago

Yeah abortion jokes are difficult. It's the delivery, I think...

Wait. There is no delivery.

MACS wrote:



Rimshot! 😂 😂 😂
MACS
2 years ago
Lord, I apologize... 😟
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
Mother: What do you want for your birthday honey?
Daughter: I want a Barbie and a G I Joe.
Mother: Doesn't Barbie come with Ken.
Daughter: No, she comes with G I Joe. She fakes it with Ken.
Krazeehorse
2 years ago
A blonde wanted to try out ice fishing. She went out and purchased all the gear she would need and headed to a local spot to try to catch some fish.
She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde was startled. She stood up and looked around but saw no one. Cautiously, she moved a little further out onto the ice and set up in a different spot. She sipped some hot chocolate from her thermos and then started cutting another hole. Again, the voice called out, seemingly from all around her.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"
Now feeling quite scared and starting to get a bit frustrated, she moved all the way to the far end of the ice and laid out all her gear, sat upon her stool and started cutting another hole. Right away, the heavenly voice boomed out, this time louder than ever, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!".
She jumped off her stool and looked all around her. She shouted to the heavens, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"
The voice answered, "NO. THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
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