2 years ago
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but it's a 30 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.
jeebling
2 years ago

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but it's a 30 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.

MidnightToker( • )( • ) wrote:


Haha! Good one!

🍺 🇨🇮
danmdevries
2 years ago
Wife asked me tonight

What's the difference between a fridge and a butthole?


Fridge don't fart when you pull the meat out.
Telecaster52
2 years ago
The farmer is working in his field when little Johnny walks up.
Johnny- hey mister i noticed you have honeysuckle's on you fence. You mind if I go get some honey?
Farmer- You can't get honey from that but you're welcome to try.
about an hour later Johnny comes back with 2 jars of honey.
Farmer scratches his head in disbelief and goes back to work.
A week later Johnny comes back and says hey mister i see you have milkweed in the field. Do you mind if I go get some milk.
Farmer- you can't get milk from those weeds but you're welcome to try.
An hour later Johnny comes back with 2 jugs full of milk.
Farmer shakes his head and goes back to work.
A few days pass.
Johnny comes back and say's sir i noticed you have some pussywillow tree's
Farmer say's hold on a minute boy let me get my hat I'm coming with you.
jeebling
2 years ago

The farmer is working in his field when little Johnny walks up.
Johnny- hey mister i noticed you have honeysuckle's on you fence. You mind if I go get some honey?
Farmer- You can't get honey from that but you're welcome to try.
about an hour later Johnny comes back with 2 jars of honey.
Farmer scratches his head in disbelief and goes back to work.
A week later Johnny comes back and says hey mister i see you have milkweed in the field. Do you mind if I go get some milk.
Farmer- you can't get milk from those weeds but you're welcome to try.
An hour later Johnny comes back with 2 jugs full of milk.
Farmer shakes his head and goes back to work.
A few days pass.
Johnny comes back and say's sir i noticed you have some pussywillow tree's
Farmer say's hold on a minute boy let me get my hat I'm coming with you.

Telecaster52 wrote:



=d> That’s a good one
2 years ago

The farmer is working in his field when little Johnny walks up.
Johnny- hey mister i noticed you have honeysuckle's on you fence. You mind if I go get some honey?
Farmer- You can't get honey from that but you're welcome to try.
about an hour later Johnny comes back with 2 jars of honey.
Farmer scratches his head in disbelief and goes back to work.
A week later Johnny comes back and says hey mister i see you have milkweed in the field. Do you mind if I go get some milk.
Farmer- you can't get milk from those weeds but you're welcome to try.
An hour later Johnny comes back with 2 jugs full of milk.
Farmer shakes his head and goes back to work.
A few days pass.
Johnny comes back and say's sir i noticed you have some pussywillow tree's
Farmer say's hold on a minute boy let me get my hat I'm coming with you.

Telecaster52 wrote:


🤣👍
MACS
2 years ago
Man walks into a bar and sits down next to a cute blonde. Casually glances at her, then looks at his watch.

Blonde says, "Is your date running late?"

Man replies, no... I got this smart watch here. It speaks to me telepathically.

Blonde asks, "So what is it telling you now?"

Man replies, Well it says you're not wearing any panties... is that so?

Blonde says, "It must be broken, because I am wearing panties."

Man taps his watch and says, oh... sh1t... it's an hour ahead. 😇
BuckyB93
2 years ago
Three elderly guys, Fred, Pete, and Gary, live in the same house.

Fred draws a bath and dips his toes in then calls out "Am I coming out of the tub or going in?"

Pete hears this and says "Ill be right up there to check it out." While walking up the stairs, Pete asks "Am I going up the stairs or down the stairs?"

Gary, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, thinking to himself "Geeze I hope I don't get as bad as them" then knocks on the table for good luck (knock on wood).

Gary calls out "I'll be right up to help after I answer the door."
BuckyB93
2 years ago
Two Six NINE!
Gene363
a year ago

A professional limbo dancer walks into a bar.



He Lost.

Gene363
a year ago

Wouldn't it be ironic id Popeye's chicken was cooked in Olive Oil.

Sunoverbeach
a year ago


A professional limbo dancer walks into a bar.



He Lost.

Gene363 wrote:



=d> Takes me back to my 2022 MCFA efforts
MaduroJorge
a year ago
my grandma is 85 and she still doesn't need glasses,
Drinks right out of the bottle!!
Gene363
a year ago

my grandma is 85 and she still doesn't need glasses,
Drinks right out of the bottle!!

MaduroJorge wrote:



=d> =d> =d>
MaduroJorge
a year ago
Priest rear ends a Rabbi
Irish cop arrives at the scene

"Father, how fast was the Rabbi going
when he backed into you?"
MaduroJorge
a year ago
I have enough money to last the rest of my life

If I die by 4 o'clock tomorrow
Cheno
a year ago
https://scanner-radio-clip.web.app/?g=689a3691-23fc-4c27-97a6-d30ac0c602d4&t=83724f16-87f3-4d9b-967c-172cbbb433bb 

I was able to clip it as I was listening so I could post it for others to hear. Got to love Chicago Police scanner.
jespear
a year ago
A man goes into an Urgent Care. The doctor asks him what's the matter. The man drops his pants, bends over and spreads his cheeks.

The doctor sees a lettuce leaf sticking out of the guy's ****  and says, 

"Ohhh . . . That is nasty."

The guy says,

"Doc . . . That's just the tip of the iceberg !"

#-o
MaduroJorge
a year ago
Johnie's' Mom catches him jacking-off
"Stop it you gonna go blind !!"
Well, can I do it till I need glasses?

Gene363
a year ago

Who is Lebanon's number one pager service provider?





A TNT is experiencing explosive growth.

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