Wisconsin
Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin, evoking memories for those who have ever lived there or visited:
If you know it's considered a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38- inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls often is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wisconsin If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", you might live in Wisconsin. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Wisconsin. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Wisconsin ( yes!!! ) . If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin. If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett" -- or know someone who does -- you might live in Wisconsin. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin. If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin. If you think that ketchup is a little spicy, you might live in Wisconsin. If when you see moonlight on a lake, you often think of a dancing bear and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters"...you just might live in Wisconsin!
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the Highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in time needed to get to a destination.
4. You know several people who have hit deer...and happening maybe more than on one occasion.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. You or your family wear Packer Green to church on Sunday and homilies are short on those Sundays having noontime kick-offs.
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
9. You think of the major food groups as including fish, venison, and beer.
10. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
11. You know that Blain's Farm & Fleet and Mill's Fleet Farm are competitors, each having fiercely loyal customers.
12. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
13. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
14. You refer to the Packers as "we."
15. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter...and road construction.
16. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
17. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.
18. Whether or not a football fan, you consider the Vikings akin to bottom-feeders.
19. You know how to polka...or know someone offering to teach you.
20. Your neighbor's idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce.
21. You are only vaguely aware that there is a legal drinking age.
22. "Down South" to you means Illinois.
23. A brat is something you eat.
24. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate a "new"- anything.
25. You know that every Friday you can always find a Fish Fry at a nearby church or neighborhood eatery.
26. Memorial Day activities often move indoors because of cold weather or frost.
27. Home gardeners dare not put out flower or vegetable plants before June 1 because of possibility of frost!
28. You may have more miles on your snow blower than your lawn mower.
29. You find thirty-five degrees "a little chilly", but still weather warm enough to wear shorts and short-sleeved shirts.
30. Having lived in Wisconsin, you actually understand the above statements. .and you forward them to your friends!
Now I know I'm from Chicago
