I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

We'll take the chair lift. It'll give us an eagle-eye view of the area directly beneath the chair lift.

Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

*not a Simpsons quote* Ok... I just gotta say that this thread is making me laugh out loud! Co-workers are looking funny at me. 🙂

Keep it up....

Don't worry, being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a giant blender.

Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender.

damn! Same quote 🙂

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Saxamaphone... saxamaphone...

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I've figured out the boy's punishment. First, he's grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Second, no eggnog. In fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.

Okay brain...let's make a deal. You get me through this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. X