... ok, for some of you old salts out there, we all know how women are regarding any/all "special" days that they have/share with their man/husband/lover, etc .... anyway, today (yesterday) was the day that my wife & I met many years ago ... all innocent enough, 2 single parents, our boys 6mos apart ... it's like the Brady bunch but with 1/3 of the kids .... everything is/was picture perfet ...
... ok ... for today? Yes, I'd caught the hints that she was looking forward to us having a 'special night' ... ok then, no problem, right? Go to dinner, take-out for the kids, pick up a nice card, bottle of her favorite wine, cuddle on the couch, tell her all sorts of nice things ... and yes, plan on getting laid ... that's the whole point of marriage, right? Getting laid! Ok, enough of the fluff, we've all seen the commercials about when/if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call the doctor... right? Hell no ... you call every guy you know and brag like hell grinning the whole time ... anyway ... for those of you that have never 'obtained' one of those evil little blue pills, fair warning ... I don't care who you are, you're in trouble if you take one and your body does not need it ... period! Our 'typical' is to enjoy each other as much as possible, even if that means it has to be a quickie and I don't even bother to kiss her afterwards ... we're ok with that ... as well, when we're looking for more fun, well, then it's more like a rodeo ... the longer you hang on, the more points you score ... 30 minutes, ok,,,, 45 yea, 60 oh! and so forth ... we've had many 'sessions' well over an hour as well as many other for several hours - and that doesn't include the foreplay ... we're not making small talk .... never had a problem there ... always when I needed it, the little bastid was always there and did what I wanted and kept doing it until she said 'ok' ... my problem with this is that I let it 'slip' to her that I may have acquired a little blue pill (actually orange & oval shape) and well, it's solely intended for someone whose ****** doesn't work like it should ... there is no rhyme, reason, or logic for anyone else ever even considering swallowing one of these poison pills ... well, stupidly enough, after dinner - I may have ingested an additive ... 15 minutes ... feel the same ... 30 minutes ... ok, well, what's the big deal ... 45 minutes later ... still waiting ... walking around normal ... waiting for her to get ready to go upstairs ... everything as usual ... ok fine, now we're in the bedroom ... she smiles, I smile back ... she grins, I grin ... she knows and I know that something 'different' could happen ... dunno ... will find out ... just for the 'fun' of it per say ... just so we could ... never again .... not going to happen ... doesn't matter ... you take a pill, she touches you and schwing! ... it happens ... no warning ... no real reason ... just the simple idea of 'knowing' she's going after you and 'wham' ... right there ... steadfast and confident .... ok, this is kinda cool ... feels weird ... kinda hurts a little ... way to swollen ... but hey, she's grinning, you're grinning and well ... things happen ... she knows you just took it less than an hour before ... she knows that its' good for a few hours ... she's determined to make sure you wear out before she does ... you're determined to make sure she can't walk in the morning... neither of you will concede to the other that things are starting to hurt ... doesn't matter how many times you're climbed the roof or how many times she's climbed the roof ... you did, she did, you were happy, she was happy, and you should have left it at that, kissed her goodnight, and been done with it like any normal couple .....but ...nooooooo..... common sense doesn't apply here .... it's relentless, it turns into a grudge of who can outscrew who and who's going to have to cough, roll over, and call it quits ... neither does ... hours pass ... pride won't let you give in ... both pretend to be having fun still ... and finally ... somehow, someway, one of you is able to take a quick break ... water, shot of tequila, something ... catch your breath ... and then ... you start talking ... trying to act as if everything is great ... fantastic time ... happy 'day we met' anniversary ... yada, yada, yada ... and then the tequila and scotch start wearing off ... the little blue pill hasn't ... even a slight wind will raise the flag ... it starts hurting ... you realize that you've got what appears to be rug burns on mini-me that it appears to have incurred a severe sunburn like it was left out on the beach for the afternoon ... ok, rinse off, shower, some cold water and yet you still have a place to hold the towel or deliver donuts ... next step, try an ice cube, nope, hurts too much ... starting to burn more each minute .... cold washclothe?...nope, the fibers hurt when they touch it ... it's painful, burning, feels like it was lit on fire ... poor little guy ends up as a circus freak for a few hours and still won't let the crowd go home ... next step, try a bad of frozen peas ... good stuff ... not too scratchy, not too cold ... seems to help ... wife is recovering, sore, can't walk, and acts like she feels sorry for you ... says "the little guy looks like he got a sunburn" ... comes up with the bright idea to help numb the pain so that we can reconnect, cuddle, hug, and go to sleep now that we've both ran each other ragged for several hours for no apparent reason other than neither one would admit it was starting to hurt .... her bright idea here .... and my advice to any of you ...
... don't ever get suckered into taking any little 'blue pill' ...
... and no matter what.... don't ever let your wife suggest that solarcaine sunburn spray works the same on a friction burn as it does for a sunburn ...
... it's 2am here now ... I'm out of scotch ... can't take any other meds because I've had a few drinks ... can't feel my ******, but still have that deep hurting sensation coming from somwhere in the region ... called a doctor friend ... prick couldn't stop laughing long enough to give me any good advice other than a bag of frozen peas and a cold shower and I'm going to give it about another 15 minutes to start getting better or I'm going outside in the middle of this snowstorm and I'm going to build two snow women and and take turns at each until this pain goes away ...
... do not EVER let your wife convince you that solarcaine works for friction burns just like it does for sunburn ...
