In keeping with the previous thread on farting... what do you call it when you fart? Or do you say something afterwards to make it funny? For example:

Oops, stepped on a frog.

Low flying geese.

Did somebody call your name?

A sphincter says, what?

Butt Burp...

Mating call of the 'barking spider'...

"Whoa... must have been someone I ate..."

:)

"I'm trying to teach my butt to say your name."

"was that you?"

"somebody step on a duck?"

(has to be the right 'sound' to be funny)

Indignantly call out the family pets' name!

"Damn... and me without a lighter."

Lieutenant who?

Look surprised and point at someone close by.

When my kids were little, I would say "Where's the frog?".

Now my kids refer to farts as "toots ot tooting".

SPEAK to me...........oh toothless one.

Captain Who?

Damn California Barking Spiders!

if there is a buddy close by, tell him to " stop barking for d!ck"

Ass gas

Spackle

Gambling, as in gambling that you don't let go in those awkward instances.

And these belong here as well:

If someone else's fart: Your voice changed but your breath still smells the same.

If in a military formation: At ease the cheese, there's a fungus among us.

If in church: Look at the nearest and oldest senior citizen and frown.

If your wife, anywhere in public: Take the blame.

Sorry J Redleg... if we're in public and I let one loose, i'm blaming her. If she lets one loose, i'll say real loud... damn honey, what you been eatin'?

It's just funnier that way.

In a grocery store shopping with the (now ex) wife one day. Felt the urge... looked around but there was someone else in the same isle. Waited 'til we were to the end of the isle, let it go and hurried around the corner. When the other woman in the isle looked up, all she saw was the wife. Laughed the whole way down the next two isles.

One time, I had to rip one in Ames (like Kmart). I was with my wife, pushing a cart down one of the "main aisles". There were people all around, so I sidestepped into the empty barbie-doll aisle and ripped one that sounded like a water ballon broke in my pants. I giggled a little, then heard something and looked down.............

There was a little girl, probably about four years old, standing RIGHT next to my ass. I hadn't seen her before I farted. She looked like she was about to BURST into tears....the ony thing that was delaying the outbreak was the fact that she was completely surprised that someone would actually stick their ass in a stranger's face and fire away.

I felt horrible..........I caught up with my wife and told her what happened. Luckily nobody hassled me. If some father would have come up and started bitchin, I think I would have just let him kick my ass since I was such a idiot.

"Who busted @ss?" That's what my kids always ask. Never heard that until they started H.S.

You smell like condoms and KY jelly

And you last name is?

There goes goes on mouse on a Harley