I was looking for Crazeehorse or Buckwheat to supply a morning chuckle but here is an oldie:



Jake and Bill, two 'ol rednecks, meet at their usual watering hole.

Jake says: Bill, you won't believe what happened to me last night after we left the bar.

Bill says: What happened?

Jake says: I was crossing the railroad tracks when I see this totally nekked, big busted young lady tied up on the tracks!

Bill says: WOW! What did you do?

Jake says: Well, I got her untied and we went back to my place. She was so thankful I guess that we ended up having hot, passionate sex, in every position you can imagine, for like five hours straight!

Bill says: OMG! Was she a blonde, brunette or redhead?

Jake says: Well, I don't rightly know ........ I never found her head.

🤦

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LMFAO

Holy frakk.....dark, yet surprisingly funny!

was she wearing a clown suit..?? 😕

You mean before she was nekkid?

don't you just luv the giving ones?

Sorry for being tardy on posting these.

The other day my GF said " undress me with your words.... and I said "A spider just went down your bra"...............
Well I spent the rest of the day looking for a nonexistent spider................... but I did find a Tuna that may have eaten the spider and I ate the tuna.


A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."
"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."
The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night.
She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.
"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

I just got accepted in a porn movie role.
I'm the husband going to work.

Father ‘O Riley is walking along the canal one day.
As he rounds a corner , he sees Paddy fishing.
“To be sure Paddy. Is this not your wedding day. You should be at home - FN the wife”.
“I can’t be doing that father. She’s got gonorrhoea”.
“What about up the arse then son?”
“Well I can’t be doing that either father. She’s got diarrhoea”.
“Oh , sweet Jesus” , exclaimed the father - “What about a **** then Paddy?”
“Well I can’t be doing that either father. She’s got pyorrhoea”.
“Goodness Paddy. Why on Earth did you marry her?”
Paddy pointed to his fishing Rod , and replied.....................

Have a safe and healthy weekend. I'm going fishing down on Lake Cumberland tomorrow. Yeah!!! 🍺

Guess she didn't give head. Good joke.

LOVE IS BLIND 😎

=d> =d> =d>

Some good stuff!
____

Hey, what black and blue and red all over, and cries during sex?
The bitch in the trunk of my car...

Today's additions:

As the doctor left the exam room after my prostate exam, the nurse later came in with words I didn't want to hear.
She said, "Who was that?"

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'


I went to see the the doctor about my crippling fear of palindromes.
The bass tard put me on Xanax.

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.


Have a safe and healthy weekend. BW 🌫

=d> =d> =d>

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"Jesus loves you" A good thing to hear in church, not so much in prison.

My next door neighbor knocked on my door at 2AM! Can you believe that? Luckily, I was still up, playing my bagpipes.

I love bacon, sometimes I eat it twice a day. It helps take my mind off these terrible chest pains I've been getting.

🤣 🤣

doctored this up, eh?

And another round.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”


Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.
I see some new faces today and I have to say that I am very disappointed.


Guy just got back from the doctor and he tells his wife, "The doctor told me I can touch myself inappropriately whenever I want to."
Wife grabs report, "This says you could have a stroke at any time!!!"


Everyone be safe and healthy and have a good weekend. 🌫

An avid shooter goes to hell. When he arrives he’s greeted by a sub-demon who says, “Come with me, I’ll show you around. Everything here is designed for the individual. As an avid long range shooter, this is your range. As you can see by the range chart it extends to infinity, but you can set targets of any size or type at any distance you wish, and remote viewing of the targets. You can also set any environmental conditions you want: The top of Kilimanjaro in Antarctica with a 22 to 43 mile per hour wind at 5:35? Use these controls right here. You can order up any type of rifle with any precision level as well: 416 Rigby with no less than 1/4 MOA precision? Here it is in the locker. And of course, any type of terrain to shoot from or over.”

“Wow! This is not what I expected. What kind of ammunition is available?”

“Ammunition? There is none. That’s the Hell of it.”

😂 😂 😂

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😂