NASHVILLE, TN — Hot on the heels of their global superstar owner's public announcement that she was supporting Kamala Harris for president, Taylor Swift's cats issued a press release endorsing former President Donald Trump.
While the news was a stunning deviation from the pop star's own endorsement, a Swift insider revealed the singer's cats — Meredith Grey, Olivia Benson, and Benjamin Button — were heavily swayed by Trump's pledge to protect pets and other small animals from being abducted, killed, and eaten by bands of marauding Haitian migrants.
"This election is about what kind of country we want to have," Benjamin Button said in the announcement. "Do we want to have a country where your beloved animal companions are stolen and eaten by migrant gangs? Or do we want a country where dogs, cats, ducks, and geese can live in safety and prosperity? As a cat myself, I am voting for the latter. I'm voting for Donald Trump! Meow!"
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