OTTAWA — Amid growing public outcry across the country, the Canadian government announced that embattled Prime Minister Justin Trudeau would be humanely euthanized after his resignation.
The announcement revealed that, in accordance with what has become a Canadian tradition, the old, unuseful prime minister would be quietly put out of his misery to prevent him from becoming a burden to his fellow citizens.
"He has lived a full life but has now exceeded his usefulness," said Benjamin Cloutier, a spokesman for the Canadian government's Department of Euthanasia. "We are thankful for Mr. Trudeau's service and have assured him that he will meet his end peacefully and painlessly. It's the Canadian way, eh?"
Trudeau was stoic in a brief statement confirming the end of his life. "We put up a good fight, but what are you going to do?" he said. "We achieved a lot of historic things under our leadership. Most of them were just really, really awful, but historic nonetheless. I am honored to have served as prime minister and bid all Canadians a fond farewell. So long, folks."
Following his formal resignation, Trudeau was expected to have a brief reception with family and close friends at a local Tim Horton's for coffee and donuts before being escorted by government agents to his final resting place.
At publishing time, Canadian officials revealed that memorial services for Trudeau would be held later in the week, where citizens could look forward to ice fishing, lacrosse, a pancake social, and the traditional 21-moose salute.
https://babylonbee.com/news/trudeau-to-be-humanely-euthanized
