One day last week I was enjoying a Padron when I saw an antique shop I thought I would visit. I walked up to the door, put out my Padron, and went in. The lady running the shop came up and said: "You will only be able to smoke one of those a day after dinner." She bypassed the courtship, the marriage and evrything and got right down to business. I said: "Did you ever hear of foreplay?" She looked very confused as I walked out the door. I feel like I am not in tune with the world anymore. Does this experience make sense? At least my cigars are real. And smoking is bad for you? BTW, I am sure the lady wasn't joking.

I think she wanted to buff your helmut before dinner and that you would only be able to smoke one cigar after such an experience!

What did she look like? Was she riding a broom or were you just not interested in her? Charlie

She looked great. That wasn't the problem. Who was the comedian who said: "I'm not going to bother getting married again. I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and buy her a house." ? Skip all the in between stuff. Maybe I'll just declare bunkruptcy and get it over with.

Did you turn into a goat and eat spaghetti from a hubcap? Sounds like a dream.

What kind of crazy-ass lunatic are you? You actually put out a good smoke in order to browse over dead peoples former furniture? And then you walked away from a chick with an unusual opening line? I'd say her approach was the feminine equivalent to a guy saying: "that's a pretty dress. It would look great on my bedpost"...

Perhaps she was just a Democrat that wanted to limit your right to smoke.

I hear Hubcap makes great pasta...

or "If I told you that you have a great body, would you hold it against me".

"I'd love to have breakfast with you. Could I have your phone number, or should I just nudge you?"