But bang one Goat!!!"

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then said: "You have to shove the all of the fruit that you brought back up your butt without any expression on your face and without making any noise or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh? you almost got away with it!" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples."

Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set. "Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"

"I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!" "Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,

'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, the concrete and steel it would take, the impact such a bridge would have on shipping lanes! It will exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Doctor discovers she's got a problem with her metabolism but that the problem can be controlled by her taking hormones. He tells her, 'Take one pill a day but be wary of any possible side effects. Call me immediately if you notice anything unusual...fainting, nausea, whatever.'

About six months goes by. Doctor gets a call from the lady. He asks her, 'how are you feeling?'

Lady says, 'I haven't had this much energy in twenty years. I feel great but I think I may have a side effect or something from those hormone pills.'

Doctor says, like what? Lady says, 'well, for one thing I have some thick black hair growing on my chest now.'

Doctor says, 'Uh-oh. That's definitely one of the side effects I was worried about. How far down on your body is this new hair growing?'

Lady says, 'All the way down to my d**k.'

You guys wouldn't know humor if it bit your ass...

Now that is funny chit...

She pulled her car under the carport and left the engine running

The doctor has him strip and checks him out. He is checking out the situation and then goes over to a drawer and pulls out a large pair of scissors.

As the doctor goes down with the scissors between Wheel's legs, he grimaces, closes his eyes and prepares for the worst.

Wheel hears a snip snip, but feels nothing. He finally gets the courage to ask," Doc, what did you do?"

The Doctor answers," You are so short, I had to cut a couple inches off the top of your cowboy boots so your balls quit scraping on them."

I don't get it,,,

Was the Doctor a Tard ?

When she is undressed, he has her turn around, then asks her to go ahead and get dressed. Once dressed, the wife then is asked to return to the waiting room.

"I think your fine." The doctor said. "She didn't give me a boner either."

See, you're from Texas, and you guys wear cowboy boots all the time.

His wife says, 'don't worry honey, you open the entry door right next to where your ball is, and I'll go around and open up the big garage door on the other side. Then all you have to do is drive the ball right through the garage and up onto the green!'

Great idea, the guys says. His wife goes around and opens up the garage door, he opens up the entry door, and starts lining up his shot. And lining it up. And lining it up. He's taking so long lining up this one shot, his wife decides to peek around the corner of the door to see what's taking him so long.

Just then he swings, drives the ball through the garage, and the ball smacks his wife in the head...killing her instantly.

Years pass, the emotional wounds heal, and he meets another lady golfer. They fall in love and get married. Finally he works up enough courage to take her to the same golf course where that fateful accident happened. Sure enough, again on the fifth hole he shanks one from the tee box to right in front of the same maintenance garage.

He's standing there dumbfounded when his new wife says, 'don't worry honey, you open the entry door right next to where your ball is, and I'll go around and open up the big garage door on the other side. Then all you have to do is drive the ball right through the garage and up onto the green!'

His amazement turns to anger. 'Are you crazy? Don't you remember what happened the last time I tried that?'

'I shot a seven!'