I typically spend New Year's eve gorging on a double order of General Tso's chicken, working though a bottle of Absolut and coaxing the wife into a little kneel and bob. This year she demanded we "be social" and go across the street to the H's for their New Year's eve party. I've always hated them. Crunchy phony types who drive Subarus with "World Peace" and "Coexist" bumper stickers. Worst of all, she said I couldn't get liquored up first. She was watching me like an ugly old hawk as we got ready. I was at least able to sneak a long pull on a bottle of Robitussin in the bathroom after dropping a deuce.
The party proved to be as bad as expected. Chubby middle-aged guys in sweaters with wives who've given up on trying to appear feminine. Wife introduced me to one of the women. I swear to God she had sideburns (and no doubt a thick black pelt that went up to her belly button and half way down her thigh). After four quick glasses of wine I looked for the bathroom. Mrs. H sent me upstairs as the ones downstairs were occupied. It was peaceful up there. After taking a leak I decided to see if there was anything of interest in the medicine cabinet. Score! Lorazapam, Xanax and Oxycodone. I took one of each and put a few more in my pocket. The H's have a hot 19 yr old daughter. Volleyball player. Walking past her room I noticed an overflowing hamper of dirty clothes. After a quick look around I darted in and snagged a pair of panties sitting temptingly on top of the pile. I took a deep and musky whiff before tucking them into my sock.
I was feeling better as I rejoined the party. Wife was having a good time so I wandered into the kitchen. One of the caterers was a cute Mexican girl. I watched her as she was cutting vegetables. The buttons of her white shirt were straining to hold in her sweet brown and massive jugs. I learned a little Spanish in prison so I started chatting her up. Not sure what I was thinking but I said "Quiero lamedura su cuello. Diez dolores?" which roughly translated means I want to lick your neck and I'll give you ten bucks. She gave me a puzzled look but then motioned me into an adjoining room. Sure enough, she opened her shirt a bit, tilted her head back and offered it up. I think it was the drugs because it was as if I floated to the ceiling and watched myself drag my tongue across her neck and down to her cleavage. I almost stiffed her but decided to give her the ten. She giggled and went back to vegetable cutting. The rest of the night I was pretty much catatonic. After midnight and all that nonsense we mercifully headed home. Wife even bobbed for me. I pretty much always pretend she's somebody else. Last night I imagined the Mexican. After the old hag started snoring I went out to the front yard and had a Cain Daytona to ring in 2013. Between puffs I took whiffs of the panties. It was a nice combination. I wonder if anyone else has tried it. Love you guys and Happy New Year!
Magwitch wrote:
