lol, cigarboot.
what's FGM?
ok, some background about the Lars thing...
It was autumn 1998. John, a friend of mine, was working as head of the graphics department and had an open position. I lived in Syracuse and the job was in Utica, but I had no car at the time. The money was enough that I'd be able to save up pretty quickly, so I begged my gf at the time to borrow her little Escort for a month or so and took the job.
The first thing I noticed was that my morning drive on the thruway from Syracuse to Utica is eastbound as the sun comes up (which means, conversely, that I'd also be facing the setting sun on the way home). Neat!
The graphics department, it turned out, was a room maybe 10'x12' jammed full of whatever crazy bull**** (mostly old family photos, if I remember correctly) Lars decided to stick in there. The PCs were new and nice, though, and had a LAN setup which promised Quake wars that never materialized. I never got to design a cigar band, but I did a decent amount of ad work that ended up in magazines like Thrasher (when he made those weird metal skateboards) and Yacht World (selling paintings, more on those later). I was barely 20 years old at the time. It was mind-boggling (and I was incredibly unqualified).
I was taken on a tour of the facilities the second day I was there. (The first day was spent downloading fonts and listening to Goa crap on some stream). I'd heard a rumor that the guy who rolled their cigars was a one-armed Cuban. Now, I don't know if he was Cuban or not, but he most definitely had one arm and did not speak much English. The 'production room' was basically a garage with a space heater and a ****-ton of plastic buckets and tobacco. I think I recall burlap sacks in the corner but that might be an embellishment time has inserted. I'd seen a guy from Egypt roll a blunt with one hand while I was in college, but this was obviously a bit different. I wish I could describe how he did it but I honestly don't know. He was sitting on a bucket, and he had a wood plank across another bucket, which he was working on. He'd lay down different leaves, fold it, roll it a little, then use his forearm to push it into a cylinder. It was pretty amazing, tbh. Also, I've heard that he used rosewater as his 'secret' ingredient. Does that make any sense?
Lars, although possessing one of the grandest egos I've ever encountered, was a generous guy. He paid well, and every week I'd get a bag of those (terrible) cigars that retailed at three times what I made. Plus he'd get lunch (dinner, really, sometimes I'd be stuck there until 10pm doing revisions upon revisions) that would blow your mind. Utica has some dope Italian food. Thanks, Mafia!
Those paintings, though... He'd pick an image out and project it on the wall. Then one of the girls that hung out (man I can't remember her name, but she was a model type, pretty hot) would do the underpainting, then another girl would do the middle stuff. He'd put 10-20 daubs of paint on a nearly-finished painting, sign his name, then send it to auction. That Yacht World ad I mentioned before was for a $25k painting of a boat.
Then there's Musashi. I'M NOT ALLEGING ANYTHING ILLEGAL, but it was really weird that a 15-year-old girl was hanging around the studio all the time. Her parents were said to be totally fine with it, and she was supposed to be some kind of wunderkind, but I never saw it (or them).
Oh, and one time I got to go backstage for Rob Zombie and Monster Magnet with Lars & Co. but we had to split early because I was too stupid to drive myself and when security snubbed Lars as Rob was walking down the hall toward us, he left. Ten feet from Rob Zombie and I had to leave. wtf.
Even writing about this is bringing back a bunch of memories I'd forgotten. Little things, like how damn cold the studio (and the ride in that Escort with no heat) was. John quit. I quit shortly after. Girlfriend gone, no ride, he offered me an apartment in Utica, but if I did that, I knew I'd be stuck. I think I lasted two months. Maybe less. My 20s were a goddamned mess.
