I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

(A) '65 Ford Fairlane

(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or

(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that this here test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?

It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...

There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya fer in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southernly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

that is too good to waste. i will send to everyone i know that has a sense of humor. much thanks.

roflmao and i live in TN im also gonna send this to my friends thanx for the laughs

Bonz

You live in the Great Smoky Mountains, it's the 18th of January, there's 18" of fresh snow on the ground and the forecast is for another 12" in the next 3 hours. The wind is at 30mph from the NE and with a windchill of -3°. Roads are icing up rapidly and all local businesses have closed. You are out of cigarettes. You call Bubba who lives 30 miles away and he has a a full pack. You:

A. Drive over to Bubba's house

-close to the trunk 1 inch

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

(A) '65 Ford Fairlane

(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or

(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

-b the bottom of the door will go first

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

-2 truck radiators

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

-30 buds

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

-.00021

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

-6

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

-yes

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

-about 12%

9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

-2 cartons

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

-16 years

Was I close?LOL

* Artery...... The study of paintings.

* Benign........What you be after you be eight.

* Bacteria.....Back door to cafeteria.

* Barium........What doctors do when patients die.

* Cesarean Section....A neighborhood in Rome.

* CATscan....................Searching for kitty.

* Cauterize..................Made eye contact with her.

* Colic.......................... A sheep dog.

* Coma...........................A punctuation mark.

* D & C..........................Where Washington is.

* Dilate......................... To live long.

* Enema..........................Not a  friend.

* Fester.........................Quicker than someone else.

* Fibula..........................A small lie.

* Genital.........................Non-Jewish person.

* G.I. Series..................World Series of military baseball.

* Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.

* Impotent.....................Distinguished, well known.

* Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.

* Medical Staff............A Doctor's cane.

* Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.

* Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.

* Node.............................I knew it.

* Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.

* Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.

* Pelvis............................Second cousin to Elvis.

* Post Operative...........A letter carrier.

* Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.

* Rectum..........................Damn near killed him.

* Secretion......................Hiding something.

* Seizure..........................Roman emperor.

* Tablet............................A small table.

* Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.

* Tumor.............................More than one.

* Urine..............................Opposite of you're out.

* Varicose.........................Near by/close by.