A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them **** in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird ****."

"It was my first day with the hook."

🇨🇮

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This morning my son said his ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside, so he walks out the front door, comes back in and says both.

Moments like this got me wondering if I’m saving too much for college.



Yesterday I saw an ad that said, “Radio for sale, $1.00, volume stuck on full”

I thought, “I can’t turn that down”.

hayhayhay

From my 11 YO grandson.......
Why did the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she out grew her B shells.

okay I'm stealing this one.

👍

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👍 11 year old grandson already an expert in boob measuring system...young girls beware

We need a "nyuk nyuk nyuk" emoji.