Morning all,
Here they are:
A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man's **** off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the **** smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off.
Surprised, the daughter asked her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"
Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, "It....it was only a bug, Honey."
The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said..
"Sure had a big d!ck, didn't it?"
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century, Dad,” she said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers, you are so old. Here, use my iPad.” I can tell you this … that fly never knew what hit him.
An african ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.
On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette.
One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger." This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable.
Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers. Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.
The African ambassador was impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room
in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette".
He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women. The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a oral sex - take your pick".
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"
With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered: "One of them is a cannibal.”
Hugh Hefner and Dennis Weaver are at a party at Mick Jagger's. Hugh tells Dennis Weaver he does not like Weaver's "McCloud" TV series. Weaver tells Hugh that he doesn't like Playboy. A fight breaks out. Hefner and Weaver wrestle each other to the ground.
Mick Jagger runs out yelling, "Hey, hey, Hugh -- Hugh, get off of McCloud."
Have a great day and weekend. 🌫 🍺
