A drunk biker was weaving in the road and a cop stopped him.
The cop said "did you know your lady fell off at the intersection?"
The biker says, "thank God I thought I went deaf."
A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, “Can I have a cigarette?” The bartender replies, “Sure, the cigarette machine is over there.” So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, “Hey, you're a stupid idiot!” The man says with surprise in his voice, “That’s not very nice.” He returns to his barstool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, “Ooh, I like your hair.” The man says to the bartender, “Hey, what’s going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me!” The bartender replies, “Oh, that’s because the cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.”
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.
I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.
I stayed in a cheap Motel 6 last night, commode would not flush and there's a noisy leak in my sink.
Could not sleep, so I called the front desk at midnight to complain. Told the Front Desk clerk,
"My commode doesn't work and I gotta leak in my sink."
Her response was, "Go Ahead". Then she just hung up.
Kind of dad jokes today. I don't write them, I just repost them.
Have a great weekend and stay safe and healthy. 🌫
