A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where

she selected:



a half-gallon of 2% milk,

a carton of eggs,

a quart of orange juice,

a head of romaine lettuce,

a 2 lb. can of coffee,

and a 1 lb. package of bacon.



As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out,

a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in

front of the cashier



While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the

drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."



The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was

intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed

single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing

particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off

the drunk to her marital status.



Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,

you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

MACS wrote:

I love stand up. There is a long long list of comedians that crack me up. The only female comedians that I can think of that really make me laugh are Joan Rivers and Kathleen Madigan. Until yesterday. A random YouTube video had me watching a comedian named Jeanne Robertson. She works clean and had me laughing hard. She's around 78 years old now and apparently has been working for years. I don't think she has ever done comedy clubs. But, if she ever had she'd be a household name. Is she well known to you guys? I don't know how I've never heard of her.

I was going to write. "How have I never heard of her? Have I been living under a rock?" Then I remembered where I was about to ask that question and decided to reword it. Let the living under a rock jokes begin!

CelticBomber wrote:

Great story teller.

Here's one of my favorites, she sends "left brain", her husband, to the grocery store.

thurson wrote:

That's the first video of hers that I watched. Had me in tears. I went down the rabbit hole after that. The rafting trip story was amazing too. She really should be a lot more famous than she is. The way she tells stories reminded me of Dave Allen. He preferred to be called a racontour over comedian because he considered himself to be a story teller rather than someone who told jokes. Dave Allen would be in my top 5 favs of all time. I think she's just as good.

CelticBomber wrote:

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"

deadeyedick wrote: