So I live in the foothills of southern California's high-desert. How long (if it's even possible) would it take to rehydrate a bone-dry, once high-quality cigar?

The slower the better. I've brought cigars back, but I wouldn't have described them as bone dry. I did it by bringing them up a little week by week. Took 2 or 3 months. I did it for a friend who had a nice collection of cubans, Behikes and all. He gave me some for the trouble.

I say I "think" 2 or 3 months because that's when I had the cooler stabilized. We could've probably smoked some then, but waited about a year for no particular reason.

Good luck. Once those oils dissipate, the cigars won't be anything near what they once were. IMO you shouldn't even bother.

Thanks, gent's. I smoked one on the 4th. It wasn't any worse than the dog-rockets I used to buy when I first found this site. Two left, then I gotta bid on some good ones!

I once got a box of Monte #2 close to a year late. Vendor told me to keep it. I let it sit a few months and they were good to go. Never hurts to try if they are really worth it.

True, while I tend to agree with Mark that that they are probably shot, one has nothing to lose here but a few more months.

I wouldn't get my hopes up though as California's high desert is not known for being kind to anything that needs water or even just humidity to survive, whereas the usual suspects, the postal route of their packages and the ISC warehouses for entry into this country are all in more humid climates.

I bought a quality humidor off craigslist many years ago. Guy I bought it from left about 20 cigars in there, some monte 2's, some HDMs, some Tats, and some unbandeds. He said they're shot, been dry for a long time. I threw one boveda 62 in a tupperware with the cigars and let em sit for a couple months. Pack dried out, I tried a few cigars they were terrible. Threw in another 62 boveda and tried again when that one dried out, still terrible and some of them cracked. Threw em all in the trash.

not likely worth the effort.

A lot also depends on how dry they got, and for how long. If you're talking 50% humidity for a few months, like the person was ignoring their humidor, you may be able to bring them back. But if you're talking about a box of cigars sitting in someone's cupboard for an extended period of time, don't even bother.

+1
If it really is bone dry.........it’s done.......no saving it.