PLEASE no smart azz remarks....


Here is the deal without the details,
A buddy of mine that is married is more than likely hooking up with my ex.



Now here are some details.
The ex dumps her boyfriend and he gets pissy about it. So now he thinks he and I are friends because he likes to bad mouth her. Well he tells me that she has been doing a married guy that I know. I said, "I don't care who she hooks up with. I'm not married to her anymore."

Well I right the whole deal off because I honestly don't care. So the ex boyfriend sends me a text today asking for her new number. I tell him that if she wanted him to have it she would have given it to him. Then he gives me the name of the married guy and it is a good bud of mine. Appearently she confessed in an email that she was sleeping with him.

I went to school with this guys wife. She is a dear friend of mine. She is such a sweet woman and I feel aweful about the situation.


So......

Do I tell the wife, because I would want to know? Or do I keep my mouth shut so my buddy doesn't lose custody of his kids?




Thoughts?



I have an idea of what I'll do, but I'm interested in other perspectives.

I would'nt...

The Wife WILL find out on her own,,



wheel,,

Lady's perspectives are also welcome.



I meant that I needed some help.

======================================================
1. Author: Mattie B

"A buddy of mine that is married is more than likely hooking up with my ex."
======================================================

... well, in that case, since she knows he's married... well, nothing personal here so don't get offended... but it's likely that she wasn't faithful to you when you were married and may have hooked up with some of your friends in the past ...

I'd STAY AWAY from anything to do with it and let the chips fall where they may ...

- there's a reason you two are divorced ... save yourself the grief and aggravation ...

Why play with a hornets nest and run the risk of getting your ass stung again by the same woman?

Mattie,,,

I Would have a conversation with your Ex.

Believe it or not,In situations like these The Woman controls how far these affairs go,,,


wheel,,

slap a gender reversal on my post ...

OK, but the "no smart azz remarks" part is F'ing killing me. I hope you know that.



Seems to me it's a question of which person to whom you feel the most loyalty. You cannot come out of this unscathed if your knowledge and later lack of saying anything is uncovered. Unfortunately, your "friends" have put you in a bit of a no-win situation.

I say this assuming you have seen proof of that to which you refer. If you haven't, I'd seriously consider asking to see the proof. Could be one person is trying to play you off of one or more other persons, and is bluffing or lying.

You haven't done anything to bring this on. Your only risk in saying nothing, it seems to me, is pissing off or hurting someone who later might find out you knew and said nothing. Perhaps that person will understand what a dilemma you had dumped into your lap.

I'd be very tempted to say nothing unless I had proof of the infidelity and my friendship with the very nice woman is of a greater concern to me than anything else involved. Just understand, the moment you say something, you have new enemy/ies.






balls


[sorry, it was really hurting to hold that in]

Jimmy-
She had multiple affairs while we were married.



Wheel-
I have no intentions of speaking to her about it. I'm thinking that one day I can use this info (no morals) and get full custody of my son.

NINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pac,
You are right. This is to good of a thread to not allow smart azz remarks.
I know 8 will sob if he doesn't get one in somewhere.

Ok, 1 Smart Azz Remark per poster.

Hey this kind of thing happens, walk away from it and let it settle itself out....you should not get involved unless you have some feelings for her that will cause you grief.

Move on and forget about it.

Charlie

Thats kinda what I was thinking Charlie.


I've had enough drama to last a lifetime.

Just stay out of the middle of it. By getting involved, you are going to get bogged down in the crap. Plus it isn't any of your Business if she is your Ex. Plus by saying something, you are going to Piss off the Husband, your ex wife, and her ex boyfriend. It just isn't worth the trouble. An old saying is "You don't have to catch every ball thrown your way". Just let this go by you, and watch from the sideline.

"I'd be very tempted to say nothing unless I had proof of the infidelity and my friendship with the very nice woman is of a greater concern to me than anything else involved. Just understand, the moment you say something, you have new enemy/ies. "

Pac is exactly right. I wouldn't say anything. Your friendship is more important. I don't know how useful this kind of information would be for custody hearings except to discredit her character. You'd have to ask Pac or rfenst about that. Your woman friend will find out soon enough and it's best to just be there for her when she does find out.

... MattieB... you already answered your own question ...

"she had multiples" ...

I let her and him dig their own grave of misery ...

... sad part? The kids are going to pay the ultimate price ...

You are absolutely right Jimmy.


My son now has two homes, two sets of rules, little structure because his mother is a Hooch!

I hate it for the children the most. Its a sad situation.

#14 Thanks. Infidelity is usually going to play differently depending on the laws of the state. If there is any fault element of divorce or custody laws of the state, then it might count directly. More states are "no fault" divorce states, however. In those, the court's usual focus regarding custody will be the "best interests of the child".

How that comes into play once custody is already established is trickier. In Washington, for example you'd have to make a threshhold showing at a preliminary hearing that there is enough evidence for a court to consider a change in custody. Practically speaking, that means unless you can show some actual harm to the kids by whatever their current living situation is, you're not getting any further.

If you make such a showing, then and only then do you move on to other hearings, and ultimately a trial. It can be expensive and time-consuming, even if you have good facts.

Only an experienced attorney handling such matters in the state where you live (and/or where the kids live, if in a different state) is likely to be able to give you a decent opinion on your chances and how infidelity might play into this. Unless you are in Washington, that ain't me.


BTW, NOW you give us one smart azz comment? I already wasted mine just saying "balls".

From a woman's side... Mind you, other women may feel very differently then me.

I find it to be extremely nice that you care about the wife of your friend. I really do. But first off, you don't have the proof. At a later date, if one of the parties has the gall to put blame on you because you "knew", they aren't worth your friendship. Why would you say something when you were not completely sure? Secondly... No matter what the outcome of the situation, if you tell, you are the jerk. There will ALWAYS be some blame put on you regardless. That is breaking up a marriage. So you will look like a jerk to him for telling her - not standing by your friend. And you will look like a jerk to her for telling and she may choose to not believe you with out proof.

Marriages are between two people. You don't know what goes on between closed doors. There is always his side, her side, and the truth. Anything you may say, can not be taken back and the damage is permenant. Even if they weather out this storm, the trust is done. I can't say how men are with cheating, but I know how some women are. They NEVER forget. Even if there is just a slim possibility there was an infidelity, they will always second guess the man in their head. Some women NEVER get over it. Especially ones who have been nothing but faithful, have loved with their entire heart, have children, built a home, and so on.

Chances are, if the cheating is going on, your gal pal may have some indication already. There are signs. If a woman or a man was cheated on in a past relationship, they know the signs. So it's a time bomb.

Flee the situation. Leave landmines in your trail to keep any one them from following you and sucking you further in the quagmire.

Btw,,

does The Nazi know ??


wheel,