usahog
first things first. if you had chosen to bail him out and i'm sure you could have, you would be called an "enabler." that is someone who because of his benevolence allows another to continue an inappropriate life style.
at least you were aware of what your brother's life style was about and you made exactly the right decision.
my brother who is 66 came to me a 2 years ago with a financial problem. i didn't know why. he had kitted $900.00 worth of checks at a check cashing service and they were all do to be cashed.
i agreed to pay for the checks on condition that he let me handle all his money for three months and set a budget for him. it turns out he was bringing home about $1000.00 a month net, working part time and he received $800.00. from social security each month.
he is single and was paying $600.00 a month for his apartment and other then food and utilities, he had no debts. at the end of 3 months everything was current, and i was paid in full. the fourth month we opened a savings account for him so that in the fifth month he would have over $1,000.00 saved, be current on everything, and have a workable budget that would save close to $10,000.00, enough for him to return to paris and england for a good vacation, something he had done 15 years ago and wanted to return again.
at the beginning of the fifth month i asked hime what he had in the savings account, and he was down to $300.00. i asked him what the hell happenned to the other $700.00 assuming he bought something he needed or wanted, or was paying child support or something like that. the answer i got was he would take a twenth here and there, but with no explaination as to why.
needless to say i told him he was clear, had a few buck, and i didn't want to handle his money anymore, i had my own to deal with.
about 9 months ago, he asked me if he could store some things of his at my house, because he and the landlord were not getting along and he had to move. he said the rent was current, which turned out to be true.
he also had very little money at that point to rent another apartment what with first and last and whatever else. i paid for pick up and storage for his furniture, which he paid me back the next pay check and we thought he could sleep in my office, save the rent which at that time was $650.00 and he would be back on his feet and ready to live properly again.
at the end of two months the owner of the complex my office is in, called me and said i couldn't let my brother stay there any longer. no problem, he should have had at least the $1300.00 he had saved on rent.
then i find out that he is broke, and of all things, he is buying scratcher tickets every day to the tune of all the money he had saved on rent plus any other extra money he had available.
the landlord gave me no choice, so he had to leave my office that weekend.
i never thought of myself as naive, but i was in the face of all the evidence that something was wrong.
the last time i saw my brother was when i bimped into him in the parking lot of a grocery store. we talked a bit about his problem and it turns out my kids had talked to him about going to gambler's ann. ross my oldest asked bradley, my youngest, if he would drive my brother to GA which was only 10 minutes from the office and bradley refused. smart tough love came from bradley. "if he won't drive himself there, he is not interested in changing and he has to help himself."
two years ago my brother gave me a present of a tee shirt with a picture of two little boys on the front. it was a picture of us at age 6 and 10 that he had been carrying for almost 60 years.
when my brother and i parted at the parking lot, i asked him to call me when he got straightened out. i haven't heard from him.
i don't know what this has to do with your question, but i thank you for letting me unload something that has been eating at me.
rick
