A pan of muffins is heating up in the oven.

One muffin looks at another and says, "Man, its getting hot in here!".

The other muffin exclamed, "Holy ****! A talking Muffin!".




I don't care who you are............that theres funny.

Andy, if that's your favorite joke, you need to get out more! LOL!!

Burky

Little Old Lady Knows How to Gamble

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the Bank of America's balls in my hand."

Andytv, back in the 70s we used to laugh at stuff like that while smoking something other than cigars.

Andytv, back in the 70s we used to laugh at stuff like that while smoking something other than cigars.

Andytv, back in the 70s we used to laugh at stuff like that while smoking something other than cigars. Then again, we howled with glee at spilled orange juice.

It was sort of like that, too.

WHA, WHA, WHHHAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!!

Sorry you didn't like it.........

I've always loved that sort of humor (even after college).

Little Billy's mother was about to give him a new brother or sister any day now. So this day Billy was outside playing, and decided he was hungry!
upon entering the kitchen, He told his aunt to make him somthing to eat.
Go up and wash your hands,she said. So little Billy upon entering the bathroom, ran into his nude mother as she was about to get a bath!....Never seing her nude before, He said,mommy!what is that thing between your legs!...Well the mother was caught off guard,.and replied,It's just my wash rag.
No big deal to Billy, So he washed his hands, ate, and went out to play again.
About a week later, his mother gave birth to a little brother for Billy. She was relaxing at home and felt she could use a nice warm bath!..
Well, once again...Little Billy was playing and got hungry! So upon asking his aunt for somthing to eat, He was directed to wash his hands.
So as he entered the bathroom, He noticed his mother in the tub! after looking at her he asked,Mommy!...where is your wash rag!...Again being caught by surprise! the mother said O, i lost it!
Again Billy went about his business, and another day passed. So the next day,Billy again got hungry from playing, so he went in to get somthing to eat and his mother was cooking this time, and she told him to go wash up for dinner!
Well Billy obeyed,...and the mother started to put his food out for him. About three minutes later, Billy come busting into the kitchen all excited!!!Hollering mommy! mommy! mommy!!! What is it dear she exclamed!!...I found your wash rag!!
YOU DID!!!,Well where is it?...It's in the bedroom!...
Aunt Nelly is washing daddy's face with it!!!:)

Guy is in an elevator. Beautiful woman walks in. The doors close and he asks...

"Can I small your pu$$y?"

She replies.."I think NOT!"

"Ah, must be your feet"

Whoooa, what a rotten joke!!!!

Get it? Rotten......

Charlie

A beautiful blond goes into a little neighborhood bar and orders a Budweiser. She drinks it and immediately passes out. The bartender locks the door and he and the 3 other patrons have their way with her. Then they perch her back on her barstool where she wakes up an hour later and stumbles out of the bar.
The next day she comes in again and orders another Budweiser. She drinks it and and passes out again. So once again, they lock the door and have their way with her. She wakes up in a little while and stumbles out.
On the 3rd day there's quite a crowd in the bar waiting for the blond to show up, they'd told all of their friends by now and they wanted to get in on the action.
Sure enough at about 3:00, in walks the blond and says,"Gimme a Schlitz."
The bartender says,"Didn't you used to drink Budweiser?"
"Yeah, but I've switched to Schlitz."
"Why's that?"
"Because Budweiser makes my pu$$y hurt."

My Favorite Boss Joke:

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

A skeleton walks into a bar.
"bartender, give me a beer and a mop"

Good One Tailgater!

Did you hear about the lady sheriff who had the biggest posse in El Puso?

You should've. I think I've told it about 2,000 times.

3 GREAT RELIGIOUS TRUTHS

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

A Preacher, a Rabbi, and a cowboy walk into a bar...

The bartender say, "what is this, some kind of joke?"