That sounds like it would hit the spot on a madhouse Monday, Ewok!
"Take that out of your mouth."
"Get your hand out of your pants."
Followed by
"Go wash your hands."
"Get your finger out of your nose."
"Do NOT eat that booger, go get a Klee..."
"Seeetheart, we're headed to lunch. I promise you can have chicken nuggets very soon, but I don't want to see another booger go into your mouth between here and the lunch room."
"Why did you lick him? That made your friend sad - you need to apologize now."
"Bobby, what on EARTH are you doing?"
"What is in your hand?"
"What is in your mouth?"
"What is in your nose?"
"Take that out of your nose. Crayons do not belong there."
"Bobby, stop screaming, you are not stuck - you have to unzip your coat to take it off,"
"I'm sorry you don't have a purple crayon. You have eaten one and a half boxes of crayons already - I'm not giving you any more. Choose another color. Pink is a nice color - use pink" (not a joke)
"Jane, did you eat that pink crayon? Go spit that in the garbage - you're going to use colored pencils today."
"I know she said you're not her best friend anymore, but Jesus is everyone's best friend and everyone else is just regular friends so we all have the same best friend and He's way nicer than Ashley."
"I did NOT tell you to tell Ashley that she wasn't a nice friend. Go apologize."
"Bobby, where are your pants?"(yup. Same kid.)
"You need a drink? Honey, you're on the toilet. One thing at a time."
"You need a drink? You just barely walked away from the water fountain. Give it time to soak in."
"You need a drink? We don't get drinks in the middle of the Pledge of Allegiance. We're going to start over, and you need to wait until we're finished."
"You need a drink?
.
.
.
.
.
Me too."
(Names have been changed to protect the "innocent.")
Kracken and coke, please.
And a brownie.
Thank you.