Q: *What is an Economic Stimulus payment?*
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: *Where will the government get this money?*
A: From taxpayers.
*Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?*
A: Only a smidgen of it.
*Q: What is the purpose of this payment?*
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: *Isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?*
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, your money goes to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras,and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to the management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead keep the money in America by:
(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
(2) Go to a ballgame, or
(3) Spend it on prostitutes, or
(4) Beer, or
(5) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
Your friendly tax accountant.
