Painful weekend. Wife wanted to go to our town's "Strawberry Festival." A cutesy display of crafts, pies and people whom I'd like to see dressed out in body bags. I figured I could tolerate it until wife tells me her mother was coming with us. Wanted to drop her with a straight right to her snotbox as soon as she said it but controlled myself. Anyway, the old witch comes over. She resembles a dried apple with a turkey beak coming out of it . So I fill my hip flask with Jim Beam and pull an Airbender from the humey. As soon as I light up at the festival the old shrew starts in on me with comments to my wife loud enough for me to hear. "Your father smoked cigars when we first met but I stopped that. I don't know why you put up with it." I shot a glare at the wife and she kept it zipped. So I start taking hits from the flask and big ass draws from the Airbender. I've got a good buzz going when the old shrew starts talking about getting some fried dough or funnel cake or whatever crap they're selling. Wife asks me to go get some of this dough stuff while she and Mom look at table after table of the junk on display. Shrew tells me to put plenty of powdered sugar on her dough. I don't know if it was the Airbender or the bourbon but as soon as I get the dough for the hag I can't resist summoning up some absolutely retched snot from the depths of my lungs and spitting it all over her dough. Remembering her demand for lots of sugar I cover up the snot with the sugar. Watching her shove my lung butter into her hideous pie hole really saved the day. Couldn't suppress a broad smile as I enjoyed the second half of the Airbender. Nice to have a forum like this with like-minded people where I can really express myself. You guys are the best.
Warm regards,
Magwitch

Its a shame you don't have the "testicular fortitude" to just tell her to keep her snide comments to herself' and remind her that what you do is none of her business! Rather than resorting to being a disgusting PIG. JMO

Sounds as if you think the apple fell very far from the tree.

robt, I can't say. Never met the tree 🙂

Why even respond to this guy...it's obvious (to me) that this is somebody just trying to get a rise outta the board. You'd never catch me responding to this kind of threa.......D'OH!!!!

Nice story ****bitch. Typically, fellas who write yarns such as yours are compensating for having to live through the exact opposite. I'll bet you even change the password on your computer daily so the ol lady doesn't find your S&M picture collection. Kind of a Marty McFly complex.

Great work!!!!.....confrontation is overrated.

Now that I think about, just about every cigar I've ever gifted or traded has been in my ass.

Thank god I read that before I fired up any of them.

Bastid.

andy...do you run them in and out of your ass NINE times?

anything custard- filled will never taste the same to me

thank you

may a rectal tapeworm work its way out your nostril

I'm still waiting for the guy to clarify what he means by his wife's "snotbox".

BTW, my MIL is currently deceased. Too bad. I got along well with her as well as my former MIL. Both were sweethearts to me.

Well written. Very reminiscent of Bukowski.

#11 Pac...I know what you mean! My MIL AND FIL were super folks and I miss them both as much as I miss my own Mother. Between the wife and I, we were very fortunate to have the in-laws that we did.... not one problem from the day we said I do!

#7
Andy why does this not surprise me? lol j/k
and by the way how was that for you?
Prolly lost a number of them huh? I hope they were just yer yard gars. Wait till your first colonoscopy, your doc. is gonna be like WTF!!!!!!!

Chizzlewit = Bloody

HHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

AHomey240 = Bloody

HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:5

^6.....****bitch.....LMFAO!

^^^#7 Andytv....LMMFAO!

Last years gem......

Effin' hilarious....