A little over an hour!!!!.............
i wait all week for this!!!
a little humor ??? while you wait ??
All of the crew chiefs at Hendrick Motorsports were given the task of measuring the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures and they are falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures--the whole thing is a mess. Ryan Newman comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the crew chiefs, and walks away. After Ryan has gone, Robbie Loomis turns to the others and laughs, “Isn’t that just like an engineer? We’re looking for the height and he gives us the length!!
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A Mechanic is standing outside the garage as Roger Penske is coming in to check out the new Taurus, and can't help but
notice that Mr. Penske has a Dog under each arm. The Mechanic waves and says, "Good Evening, Roger, Nice dogs, sir."
Penske smiles and says, "These aren't dogs. These are genuine Labrador Retrievers."
I got this one for Rusty,
and I got this one for Ryan."
The mechanic says, "Good trade."
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You might be addicted to NASCAR if...
If you wake up in the morning to a alarm clock that says "Gentlemen Start your engines" with a motor sound behind it.
If you refer to going to the bathroom as a "Pit Stop".
If you have a number painted on the side of your car/truck.
If you put a "rookie stripe" on the back of your teenagers car. .
If you have a conversation with any "normal" person and no matter what number they say you can name the driver.
If you only drive down one way streets so you can make a tight left turn.
If you time your self at the gas station against another person filling up your tank.
If you consider your Sunday Best to be a racing suit.
If you are in the store and "bang" another shopper with a cart so they don't pass.
If you log on to chat on the internet and your handle is anything like Wub2Race or LooseIntheCorner.
If you buy 4 new tires when you have only one flat.
If you have ever told a ex-girl/boy friend they didn't "Qualify".
If you are 1st at a stop light in traffic an you look around and think you're sittin on the pole.
If you tape the races and watch it more than one time after that.
If you name your baby after any driver and use Dale as the middle name.
If you know all of the states and towns names of where the tracks are.
If you pass somebody by while walking, and.... in your mind think "lapped him".
If you can remember the date of Daytona at the start of each season but not your wives birthday or your anniversary.
If you tell your children they have been black flagged when they get in trouble.
If you have gone to a auto parts store and asked for the window tear off film.
If the doors on your car/truck work fine and you still crawl in and out of the window.
If you go to Walmart once a week with your spending money and buy NASCAR related stuff.
If you save your extra money for tickets to a race instead of a vacation every year.
If you have the NASCAR.com or RacinPortal.com website as your home page on the computer.
You run out of gas and try to explain to the cop (who's giving you a sobriety test) your weaving from lane to lane was just and attempt to get fuel into the pickup.
When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel. The next thing you do is blame Robby Gordon.
You're sitting behind someone at a red light, and when it changes, you yell, "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! GO! GO! GO! boogity,boogity,boogity!!!!"
You time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull into the self serve gas n go.
On an interstate exit ramp you stay on the outside to keep the RPM's up.
You make sure to stay under 55 when you leave the gas pumps.
When stopped for a traffic violation you say "But officer, I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting"
You consider slower cars in the left lane as "lapped traffic"
Before traffic begins to resume regular speed on the highway, you find yourself weaving side to side to warm up and clean the tires for optimal preformance.
You can't wait for next year to see what Soap powder your favorite driver has as a sponsor because the one he's got now keeps giving you a rash.
You drive for 2 hours out to the nearest Valvoline Quik Lube.
While explaining to the officer why your car is smashed into the interstate ramps guardrail, you explain: Well, the First National Bank/ Smith Family Chevy was running great today. That blue Ford got in behind me, loosened me up , I drifted high and the next I knew, I was in the wall, but......I don't blame the other driver, heck, what can I say....that's racing!!
You have ever actually yelled "YOU CAN KISS MY A**" out the window of your car when you see a car with a 24 sticker in the window.
You've ever pushed little kids to the ground at Toy-R-Us to get first chance at the new Racing Champions cars .
You rearrange your diecasts to match the grid during cautions.
You have a mini winners circle for your dicasts.
You get caught stealing the lifesize cut out of your favoritie driver from the local convience store.
You refer to the family mini van as the "team hauler"
You hit the car in front of you, and tell the officer "Rubbin is Racin!"
You've ever seriously considered putting an "onboard camara" in your car.
You plan family vacations around race dates.
When you pass someone on the highway you refer to it as taking them on the inside.
You take your 4yr old son with you because you need a spotter.
You sign up for flu shots (at work) on Fridays so you can fake sick in order to get home in time for qualifying.
After riding behind the same two dumdums riding side by side for SOOOOooooo long, you decide to make it three wide down the front stretch, and pass them in the emergency lane ( after looking, of course)
Your buddy is passing someone on the interstate, you're in the passanger seat yelling, "CAR HIGH!!!....CLEAR,CLEAR , CLEAR!!!"
You can get 12cans of beer, 4quarts Gatorade, and 8 sandwiches into a 14" cooler and NOT squash anything.
You think nothing of getting up at 4am, driving for 5 hours, sitting in a traffic backup for 3 hours, baking in the sun, spending 5 hours to get out of the parking lot, driving 5 hours home, getting up the next morning at 5am, going to work on 3 hours sleep, and telling everybody what a GREAT time you had!
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Dale Earnhardt Jr, Jeff Gordon, Todd Bodine, and Rusty Wallace were all on a plane headed to a Pocono.
Rusty told everyone the plane was about to crash
"get out the parachutes"!!
, problem was there were only three.
Jeff said, "I should get a parachute because I've won four championships and just bought a new team"! So he grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Todd said, "I am Nascar's smartest driver, I can solve problems and I got a race to get too!" so he grabbed a pack and jumped.
That left only Rusty and Dale Jr.
Reasoning to himself......Rusty said, "You should go with the last parachute because I've lived longer than you and you definitely have the better sponsor."
Dale Jr said,"Shoot Rusty That's O.K. ol' Bodine just jumped out with my backpack - we can both have a parachute!"
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Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Nascar Driver Say
#10 I would like to thank the Devil for my win today....
#9 - I lost because my pit crew was a bunch of morons.
#8 - I could win 10 races a year too, if my sponsors weren't such a cheap bunch of......
#7 - I wouldn't feel safe, if it weren't for that restrictor plate.
#6 - You better put that down or Jeff Gordon will come over here and kick your butt.
#5 - My crew chief is an idiot.
#4 - Has anyone seen my Jerri-Curl?
#3 - We would have won, but Jesus loves Jeff Gordon more.
#2 - (In Winner's Circle) Talk Later, Pee NOW!
#1 - My car sucked today! We're taking a wrecking ball to it ASAP
well......going to go see if there's any of the pre-race stuf on.......
Good luck and smoke a good one!
