BeatDragon
23 years ago
Igor "Two nasty looking switches over here"

(throws switches, short out and catch fire)

Dr. "DAMN YOUR EYES!

I "Too late!"

BeatDragon
23 years ago
Inga "He would have an enormus schwanschtucker"

Dr. "That goes without saying"
BeatDragon
23 years ago
Greatest opening monolougue ever...

Now I want you to remember that no **** ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb **** die for his country. Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight - wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost and never will lose a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans. Now, an army is a team - it lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap... Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know, by god, I actually pity those poor bastards we're goin' up against. By god, I do. We're not just gonna shoot the ****, we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel. Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them, spill their blood, shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do. Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're gonna kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose. Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank god for it. Thirty years from now when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you: 'What did you do in the Great World War II?', you won't have to say: 'Well, I shoveled **** in Louisiana.' All right, now you sons-of-bitches, you know how I feel and I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere. That's all.
G.S. Patton
SteveR@CigarBid
23 years ago
"It's just a game, Focker!" ~Meet the Parents

"I had an AWESOME time last night" ~Oldschool

"I'm your Huckleberry" ~Tombstone

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist" ~The Usual Suspects
eleltea
23 years ago
Don Corleone: I'll make him an offer he can't refuse.



Robby
  • Robby
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23 years ago
I know what you're thinking, did he fire 6 shots? Or only 5, you know, in all the excitement, I forgot myself. Now this here is a .44 magnum, the world's most powerful handgun, and it could blow your head clean off, now you gotta ask yourself, do you feel lucky? Well do ya? Punk?
Robby
  • Robby
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23 years ago
Just when I thought, you couldn't POSSIBLY do anything dumber, you turn around AND COMPLETELY REDEEM YOURSELF!
Robby
  • Robby
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23 years ago
Why did you just kiss my ear?
Why are YOU holding my hand?
Where's your other hand?
Between two pillows.
THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!!!
merlin9052
23 years ago
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas and a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
THL
  • THL
  • Herf-A-Holic
23 years ago
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
merlin9052
23 years ago
"Fill your hand,you son of a bitch!"
DrMaddVibe
23 years ago
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.

Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.

Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.

Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on me do.

Peter Gibbons: Good point.

Lawrence: What about you, what would you do?

Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Well yeah.

Peter Gibbons: Nothing.

Lawrence: Nothing, huh?

Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.

Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, he don't do ****.
SteveR@CigarBid
23 years ago
And of course...Happy Gilmore

Happy's Grandmom: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.

Nursing Home Worker: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, grandma.

------

Shooter: You're in big trouble though pal. I eat pieces of **** like you for breakfast!

Happy: You eat pieces of **** for breakfast?

Shooter: ........ NO!

http://funwavs.com/wavfile.php?quote=840&sound=182 
jgjam
23 years ago
IMHO, the opening scene from Patton is one of the best, if not the best, scene ever filmed. George C. Scott BECAME Patton with that one scene and provided the foundation for the movie. I understand that there was a lot of discussion when making the film that the scene was too powerful to begin the film with but that either Francis Ford Coppola (screenplay) or Franklin Shaffner (director) insisted on it. This link has a of a MP3 with his opening speech.

http://victoryatseaonline.com/war/patton.html 

John

jgjam
23 years ago
From the Blazing Saddles collection of lines, they may not be politically correct, but they are still funny!

Baadges.... we don't need no stinkin' badges!

That was lucky! We damn near lost a $400 handcart

Dock that **** a day's pay for napping on the job

Land Snatching... see Snatch

Do you need any help? - Oh, all I can get

and many, many more

John
Charlie
23 years ago
I also like the opening in Patton!

Also like something simple like the Duke and Arnold and Clint:

Duke...."A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do"!
"That sounds like Liberty Valance, he's the fastest gun south of the picket line, except for me"!

CLint: "Meet my friends, Smith and Wesson"!
"To tell you the truth I lost count, did I fire 5 or 6 times, but being this is a .44 magnum the most powerful handgun in the world, and it will blow your head off, do you feel lucky punk, well, do you"?

Arnold: "I'll be back"!

Bogey...."I came here for the water"! General.."But Casablanca is in the middle of the desert"!
Bogey..."They didn't tell me"!


Hell, I just love movies, and great lines......here's one of my favorites from a recent movie....Gladiator
Maximus......"On my command, unleash Hell"!


Charlie
jgjam
23 years ago
Of course you can get great lines from any Mel Brooks' movies. A Genius Filmaker!!

John
Robby
  • Robby
  • Herf-A-Holic Topic Starter
23 years ago
THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE!! THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE!! I'M SOMEBODY NOW! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY PEOPLE READ THESE BOOKS EVERY DAY!?

THESE CANS! HE HATES THESE CANS!! SAVE YOURSELF!!

Mom, I finaly found my "special purpose".

Robby
  • Robby
  • Herf-A-Holic Topic Starter
23 years ago
It looks like you boys dun made a wrong turn, now why don't you just drop them drawrs boy! Yeah come on, COME ON! SQUEALL "WEE WEEEEE WEEEEEEEE!" YEAH Get on down there boy! "WEE WEEEEEEEE!!" SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!
Robby
  • Robby
  • Herf-A-Holic Topic Starter
23 years ago
What?
Don't cross the streams.
Why?
It would be bad.
I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean "bad"?
Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Total protonic reversal!
Right, that's bad. Okay, alright, important safety tip, thanks Egon.
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