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Hank_The_Tank Offline
#301 Posted: Mon, Sep 25 2017, 1:46 PM EST
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
Ewok126 wrote:
Man I love my wife so much. So , she brings me in a peanut butter jar this morning saying "I can not get this open." She continues with "I have tried till my hand is red, and Gina (my sons girlfriend) has tried and she says it is impossible." So she hands it to me.

Keep in mind, I already am going to screw with her hard, just wasn't sure how I was going to so here is what I do.

I take the jar and sit it on my desk in front of me, I close my eyes like I am concentrating, I take my pointing finger and feel around the top of the lid going in circles, I stop at each 4 corners and give a little push down on the lid just enough to make it give a tiny bit. I then open my eyes and twist the lid as if it is barley on and hand it back to her. Not making a face at all and looking real serious at her, I knew she was going to ask "HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT" Again looking very very serious, I tell her " It is a Native American trick of my people you would not understand " Of course then she is adamant that I explain how I did this.

I go into telling her how you have to concentrate while doing it because you are feeling for the micro thin spots on the lid. As you rub your finger around the lid and you find the spots you then push down just a little on these thin spots. This in turn sort of warps the lid upwards allowing air to get under it thus breaking the seal and the lid comes off very very easy.

She then closes her eyes and starts slowly rubbing around on the lid. By this point I cant keep my composure. I start laughing my ass off. She is like WTF are you laughing at. I had to tell her I am just mucking with you. I just unscrewed the lid no trick to it. She says " WELL! I know you are weak because of your stroke so how in the hell did you just unscrew it like it was barley on. I am really rolling at this point.

I ask her, "Which side do you see me hobble on, which side is weak on me due to the stroke? She goes the left... I then ask which side did I use to open the lid. She stops to think a sec and goes "Damn it the Right you ass hole." I had tears rolling down my face laughing so hard at her being so gullible. As she is storming out of the office I hear FU you fat bassard" OMG I love it so much. I live for this shit! Whistle Whistle Whistle


Awesome story, bro.
Ewok126 Offline
#302 Posted: Mon, Sep 25 2017, 2:24 PM EST
Joined: 06-25-2017
Posts: 4,356
Hank_The_Tank wrote:
Awesome story, bro.



Thank you sir, Man it still makes me giggle when I think about it. I know for the next few days I will be asking her from time to time. "Have you tried the Cherokee Jar opening trick yet" Just to get her blood pumping lmaoooo.

Really, I would probably be better off taking a corn cob to a bobcats ass in a phone booth but since my stroke its the only way I can thrill seek safely now lmaoooo....
Ewok126 Offline
#303 Posted: Mon, Sep 25 2017, 6:03 PM EST
Joined: 06-25-2017
Posts: 4,356
Well, I am not feeling to smooth, I think its time for me to pass it off to the night crew for a bit. I am sure I should be back here in an hour or 2. You ladies make sure you give me something interesting to read on here. I think I have reached end game on Netflix. My big barrel is not going to be here till tomorrow late afternoon so I will be bored out of my skull till then. Tonight I think I will be Researching how to make peach brandy. Ummmmmmy. Think we will call it "Ewoks Fuzzy Stuff" LMAOOOOOOOO.... Try to un-see that in your minds eye. Anxious Anxious Anxious Anxious
danmdevries Offline
#304 Posted: Mon, Sep 25 2017, 6:36 PM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,384
Got halfway to work when I decided I should check the 3 voicemails from today while sleeping.

One was a test of the hospital's emergency alert system.
One was junkmail
One was telling me they didn't have enough patients and had to put me on call for the night...
danmdevries Offline
#305 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 1:54 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,384
Tuesday
8trackdisco Offline
#306 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 5:10 AM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,078
Yep.
SmokeMonkey Offline
#307 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 6:07 AM EST
Joined: 04-05-2015
Posts: 5,688
Good morning, y'all. Gonna try going in to work for a while today.
Speyside Offline
#308 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 6:12 AM EST
Joined: 03-16-2015
Posts: 13,106
Morning all. Hope it goes well monkey.
Ram27 Offline
#309 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 6:28 AM EST
Joined: 04-30-2005
Posts: 49,025
Morning folks. ram27bat
DrafterX Offline
#310 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 6:30 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Ram..!! Laugh
DrafterX Offline
#311 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 6:41 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Cool Dudes...
MACS Offline
#312 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 7:57 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
Que pasta bromigos...
DrafterX Offline
#313 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 10:41 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
I've been working like a dog... Mellow
MACS Offline
#314 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 10:46 AM EST
Joined: 02-26-2004
Posts: 79,789
DrafterX wrote:
I've been working like a dog... Mellow


Dogs eat, sleep, and crap.

Lazy bassard.
DrafterX Offline
#315 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 10:50 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Louie-dog's cousins aren't lazy... they work in Siberia.. Mellow
teedubbya Offline
#316 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 10:55 AM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
if they are so ambitious how come they keep getting punched in the mouf?
DrafterX Offline
#317 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 10:57 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
you mean somebody is trying to keep the Louie-dog Cousins down... ..?? Huh
teedubbya Offline
#318 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 11:04 AM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
yup. It's the man.
Hank_The_Tank Offline
#319 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 11:10 AM EST
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
Happy birthday to all of my fellow 9/26ers. I feel old. Hope everyone has a great day!
DrafterX Offline
#320 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 11:21 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Happy Birthday Hank..!! Laugh
DrafterX Offline
#321 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 11:23 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
teedubbya wrote:
yup. It's the man.



That Bassard..!! Mad
DrafterX Offline
#322 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:09 PM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Double cheese-burger.. fries.. BigGrin



my wife texted me and said we were having tacos tonite so I skipped my taco-Tuesday routine... not sure why now..
Mellow
DrafterX Offline
#323 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:36 PM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
New guy in the office (he started yesterday. I haven't even met him yet) just complained about it being to cold in here so they turned up the t-stat... this isn't going to be good... horse
SmokeMonkey Offline
#324 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:39 PM EST
Joined: 04-05-2015
Posts: 5,688
Happy birthday, Hank.

Drafter, don't kill the guy, just have him roughed up.
Hank_The_Tank Offline
#325 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:43 PM EST
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
Thanks, guys!
delta1 Offline
#326 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:53 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,794
DrafterX wrote:
It's too hot in here...WHO TURNED UP THE DAMM THERMOSTAT??? horse

delta1 Offline
#327 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:54 PM EST
Joined: 11-23-2011
Posts: 28,794
Happy Birthday, Hank...

Herfing Beer
DrafterX Offline
#328 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 12:57 PM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
yep... it's time to make an adjustment... Mellow
SmokeMonkey Offline
#329 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 4:43 PM EST
Joined: 04-05-2015
Posts: 5,688
Exhausted. May take a nap.
Ewok126 Offline
#330 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 4:49 PM EST
Joined: 06-25-2017
Posts: 4,356
SmokeMonkey wrote:
Exhausted. May take a nap.


Sounds like a winner SmokeMonkey

Just got in from visiting my buddy CE down at the liquor store. He gave me an empty 15 liter Georges Duboeuf Wine Barrel. The inside has been coated with bees wax so this is a non aging barrel. Going to make a nice storage cask once I clean it out and neutralize it. =d> =d> =d>
frankj1 Offline
#331 Posted: Tue, Sep 26 2017, 6:48 PM EST
Joined: 02-08-2007
Posts: 44,221
DrafterX wrote:
yep... it's time to make an adjustment... Mellow

you want I should learn da new guy some manners?
danmdevries Offline
#332 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 12:48 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,384
When people at work mess with the thermostat I tell them I cannot remove clothing but they can add a scrub jacket or lab coat. Then I turn it back to 70. (Often come in with it at 85 if it's an all woman shift)

If it's turned up again I ditch the undershirt. Our approved scrubs are a deep v neck cut, so my chest hair and ample cleavage is on display. I'm more comfortable, and they're more uncomfortable. Win win
danmdevries Offline
#333 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 12:48 AM EST
Joined: 02-11-2014
Posts: 17,384
HHD fellas
8trackdisco Offline
#334 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 5:10 AM EST
Joined: 11-06-2004
Posts: 60,078
Rock, Lobsters.
SmokeMonkey Offline
#335 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:09 AM EST
Joined: 04-05-2015
Posts: 5,688
Good morning, y'all
DrafterX Offline
#336 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:40 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Cool Dudes...
DrafterX Offline
#337 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:41 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
frankj1 wrote:
you want I should learn da new guy some manners?



I'll let you know... yesterday I gave him the look when somebody mentioned it again... he hasn't complained ever since.. Mellow
teedubbya Offline
#338 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:56 AM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
Tree more days till vacay. Hay hay hayyyyy
DrafterX Offline
#339 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:57 AM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
Are you gonna go smack around the man whose hitting Louie-Dog's cousins in da mouf..?? Huh
teedubbya Offline
#340 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 7:10 AM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
Nope. Gonna give them a cigar. Theys gotta lurn
Hank_The_Tank Offline
#341 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 9:14 AM EST
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
You know it is going to be a long week when yesterday felt like Friday....

Have a good one guys!
Hank_The_Tank Offline
#342 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 9:24 AM EST
Joined: 11-15-2016
Posts: 3,677
Also got cleared to have an occasional cigar again. Praise God for that one.
watchurai Offline
#343 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 2:59 PM EST
Joined: 09-17-2008
Posts: 9,289
Broheims. 1/2 Work day away from glorious camping in Oregon with awesome friends. Cannot wait.
teedubbya Offline
#344 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:00 PM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
camping with ZRX? take some neosporin
watchurai Offline
#345 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:01 PM EST
Joined: 09-17-2008
Posts: 9,289
And no. Brother Z is not invited to my knowledge....but he does have a van. And there is a river.....😳
DrafterX Offline
#346 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:03 PM EST
Joined: 10-18-2005
Posts: 98,552
lots of BigFoots around there... Mellow
teedubbya Offline
#347 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:04 PM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
and you know what big feet mean..... take the neosporin
watchurai Offline
#348 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:05 PM EST
Joined: 09-17-2008
Posts: 9,289
I will leave the slim jims at home.
teedubbya Offline
#349 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:05 PM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
2 days from vacation here.... excited but not feeling well
teedubbya Offline
#350 Posted: Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:05 PM EST
Joined: 08-14-2003
Posts: 95,637
watchurai wrote:
I will leave the slim jims at home.



you aren't inviting drafter huh?
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