The word, "incorrectly" is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary.

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Did you know the word gullible is not in the dictionary? Go ahead, look it up.

The first computer was an Apple in the Garden of Eden but it had limited memory. After one byte, everything crashed.
(computer geek joke)

I offered my elderly neighbor $20 to take me up on her Stairlift.




I think she is going to take me up on it.

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My ultimate dream job would be to clean mirrors.

I could really see myself doing that.

I burned 2,000 calories in the past hour.

Prolly shouldn't have taken a nap while the brownies were cooking.

I had to kick Cinderella off the baseball team.





She kept running way from the ball.

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Woke up this morning and learned one of my annoying neighbors died overnight.

Told my daughter and she said "Who Ray?"

I said, it's too early to celebrate.

As I get older I remember the people I lost along the way.




Maybe the carrier as a tour guide wasn't the right choice.

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I keep asking what, LGBQT" stands for.





I can't get a straight answer.

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Paging SOB, paging SOB.
Dust off your old material...

my father got one posted on a changeable sign at a local dry cleaners many years ago:

I'd wear my sister's girdle but I haven't got the guts

My Grandfather was 82 yrs old and decided he needed to exercise more. He said he was going to walk 5 miles each day. It's been 8 yrs now and we have no idea where he is.

For lunch I made a Hawaiian pizza but I burnt it. Next time I'll cook it at a Aloha temperature.

(by the way, pineapple should not be allowed on any pizza)

A kid asked me why a Giraffe’s neck is so long. I told him because it’s head is so far away from it’s body.

Do you know which nation sleeps the longest?






Hibernation.

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Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're so good at it.

My Geography teacher asked the class to name a country that doesn't have an "R" in it's name.

I blurted out "No Way"

My neighbor complained to me that my dog kept chasing the neighborhood kids riding a bike.

I had to take the bike away from my dog.

(then Drafter kicked my dog)

NINE!teen

I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I went to Sunday School and found out prayer doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

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