I'm just going to leave these here.
Robber walks into a bank, pulls gun and yells "THIS IS A ROBBERY!!!GIVE ME THE MONEY OR YOU WILL ALL BE GEOGRAPHY!!
The bank teller says "HISTORY"
Robber says" DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT"!!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, '
What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
An ADVRider on a Ural was riding down a back country road. Doing about 30 miles an hour. He notices a cloud of dust behind him, closing fast. He sees that it’s a three-legged chicken running down the road. The darned thing actually passes him!
Well, the ADVRider goes WFO, getting up to 40….50….60 miles a hour, but he just can’t pass the chicken! Finally after several miles, he sees the chicken run up a farm lane and into a barn behind a farmhouse.
The ADVRider follows the chicken up the lane, knocks on the door, and greets the farmer who answers the door.
“You’re not gonna believe this,” says the ADVRider, “But I just saw a three-legged chicken run up your lane. The damn thing was doing better than 60 miles an hour!”
“Oh, yeah,” says the farmer, “we’ve been breeding those chickens for years. We figure everybody wants a drumstick, and this way there are more drumsticks to go around!”
“That’s amazing!” says the ADVRider. “How do they taste?”
“Don’t know,” says the farmer. “We’ve never caught one!”
Same ADVer, different day, different country road.
He notices a three legged pig in front of this farmhouse, they whole family is around playing with the pig.
Curiosity gets the better of him and he turns up the lane to the farmhouse to see what the deal with the 3 legged pig is.
The farmer steps up to great him as he shuts the bike down.
He greats the farmer and says "I just couldn't help myself. I was cruising down the road and I saw the three legged pig and the whole family enjoying his company. I had to come in and ask the story of the pig.
So the farmer relates the story. "well yes, that pig was born here on the farm. For some reason he took a liking to the kids and the kids being kids started playing with him. Eventually he became a fixture in the family. he even started sleeping in the house with us."
"One night the whole family was woken up because the pig was making such a ruccus. The house was on fire. That pig saved the lives of the whole family. We are very grateful to that pig."
So the ADVer asks "So the pig lost that leg in the fire."
The farmer replies "Oh no. That's not how he lost the leg"
ADVer asks "Well then how did the pig lose his leg."
The farmer replied "Well, you can't eat a pig like that all at once."
Stay thirsty my friends.
