Dear Chief, how do I make it rain? I fear my water bill is going to be a drag this month....

Dear Chief--

The earthquake dance you sent me via email is heap effective. Thanks!

You got one for locusts? (My neighbor is really starting to piss me off...)

ScottHar

Dear Chief,
Where do the lost socks go?

Dear Chief

Name your five most hated songs of all time...

Charlie

Lost socks go to the dryer, that eats them up..

Bludevil, #59:
'...why do some idiots not like lamb chops...?'

In Chief's experience, people not liking lamb chops is either related to low IQ, or --and more often--because the chops have been cooked too long or served with repugnant substance.
Coyote's LOVE lamb, and that's good enough for Chief!
Chief's dad, Super Chief, never once had to yell at Chief to 'Eat lamb, gaddammit!', Chief always like!

To all of the posters here anxiously awaiting replies, Chief apologizes--Chief get heap f'n busy with bull****.

DrafterX has a fear of water bill, and wants to know what to do--

Chief say, move here Drafterx. It rain heap, never fear water bill again.
Also, Chief has discovered that many shrubs will thrive with a good, steady supply of urine....

ScottHar, #62, writes thanking Chief for L.A. earthquake dance (Chief send privately), and wants to know one of two things: 1, how get locusts; or 2) how get rid of locusts.

Both questions simple. If want locust, grow something; If not want locust, grow nothing. Unless you want locust TREE--that must be planted by self.

Lou2row asks: 'Where do lost socks go'?

Belive me Lou, Chief know this answer. They are hiding in your wife's drawer. Why? Women like to wear men's socks as house slippers, and men are just gullible enough to believe them when they deny knowledge of 'lost' articles of clothing.

Dear Chief-

If it takes one chicken with a leg and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, how long does it take a frog with a peg-leg to poke a hole in a watermelon?

Poster Charlie asks Chief to name his 5 most hated songs of all time:
1) Tiny Sphincter
2)Philadelphia Condom
3)Dog Rocket Man--all E. John
4) Do You Really Want To Screw Me?--Culture Club
5) Filth--G. Michael

This just partial list of top songs on Chief's heirarchy of can't stand.

TBrochin, #70, ask ...'how long it take peg-leg frog to poke hole in watermelon...?'

Chief must assume this is male frog.
If white frog, it take 4 days. If black, quicker.

^ Sorry, the frog's name is Jose Gonzalez.

LOL

Charlie

Dear Chief,
First, thanks for one of the most entertaining thread in some time! I don't know about the wisdom, but your flinging some hilarious bull while questions are flying from all directions!







Okay, now my question: Who wins in a deathmatch, bigfoot or chupacabra?

All North Americans know that Chupacabra's range is limited to Central and, more particularly, South America.
This creature just cannot survive in the cooler climate of El Norte--too cold.
However, your question involves a more distinct answer, i.e, which would prevail if a chance encounter should occur between South America's Chupacabra and North America's Bigfoot/Sasquatch.
Well.
Given a level playing field, and an agreeable location of agreeable elevation above sea level, Chief's wampum would have to be placed on the Chupacabra.
Their size and weight's are not too dissimilar, but the Chupacabra's ready access to 'special drinks' laced with substances like cocaine have established his liklihood to win.
This is a fact proven in the boxing ring...

Big Chief,
Why are Americans so stupid, to even think of electing a person who has only had 143 days as a Senator, and thinks there are 57 states?

Hope & Change

Chief how did an inexperienced guy like Harry Truman turn out to be such a fine president?

Chief is there any correlation between Abraham Lincoln being called a monkey on countless occasions by his opponents and his subsequent greatness as a President?

If he had eaten cheese, would it have prevented John Wilkes Booth from assassinating him?