Rookie Cop: "We found **** on the victim's face. What do you think?"
Old Veteran Cop: "Well I guess the victim saw the killer coming . . ."
A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol.
"I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber!" he yelled. "I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"
A voice from the back of the room called out, "You need more ammo!"
A guy wants a divorce. He tells the judge, " I just can't take it anymore. Every night she's out until way after midnight going from bar to bar!".
"What's she doing?", asks the judge.
The guy answers, "looking for me."
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.
The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove."
w:d/